


ANIME IS REAL

by Shatterflowerdemon



Series: Reader inserts [11]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Describes character death, Gender neutral pronouns for reader, Harems, I imagine reader as AFAB, I love her, I'm basically just writing myself, Kinda?, Nonpermanent Character Death, Other, Reader IS NOT an oc, Reader has no soul, Reader is Nonbinary, Reader is not named, Reverse Harem, Sans saves your ass, The Characters Are Probably OOC, Time Travel, Universe Travel, WILL BE USING Y/N AND NICKNAMES, You have a cat, and maybe she/her?, based on that 'if your favorite character came to your door' prompt, deadass, self-indulgent as fuck
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-05
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-16 09:41:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 25,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28579920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shatterflowerdemon/pseuds/Shatterflowerdemon
Summary: Inspired by the prompt 'What if your favorite character rang your doorbell and wanted to change your story.'"Listen, bud. This may not make much sense to you, but you're going to die if you don't leave with me right now. Please, don't make me watch you die again," Says Sans The Skeleton. Outside your apartment door."I- How are you even here? You're a video game character- What.""Kid, we have GOT to go. I'll explain after. Grab your cat."
Relationships: Papyrus (Undertale)/Reader, Sans (Undertale)/Reader
Series: Reader inserts [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2042395
Comments: 139
Kudos: 365





	1. Shit and Get

**Author's Note:**

> This is that reverse harem fic I was talking about in the notes of chapter three of my fic 'Chompers, Boss, and The Internet Addict.'
> 
> I couldn't resist trying my hand at the 'six skeletons' shtick. This is entirely self-indulgent. 
> 
> My Tumblr: Shatterflowerdemon (I take requests and write imagines/headcanons for characters!)

"Listen, bud. This may not make much sense to you, but you're going to die if you don't leave with me right now. Please, don't make me watch you die again," Says Sans The Skeleton. Outside your apartment door. 

"I- How are you even here? You're a video game character- What." 

"Kid, we have GOT to go. I'll explain after. Grab your cat."

You eye him wearily. "How did you know-"

"-not the time! grab her, c'mon, hurry!"

You pause for one second and then scurry through your apartment.  
Your beloved cat is put in her carrier and scoop up your bug out bag. Your phone and charger are shoved into your pockets. 

"Okay, but-" "-no time, hang on tight."

Sans the skeleton grabs you, your cat, and then POP.

You're floating in a space that feels unreal. Teleportation. Nothing in-game could describe the actual feeling. You cant decide if you're moving fast or not at all. 

When your eyes open- When did they shut?- You're sprawled out in a basement. You spot the machine. A groan leads you to Sans, he's slumped against a wall.

"Shit, dude. Is your HP okay?" you ask him. 1 Hp...

Sans waves you off and dusts his shorts off. "Nah, I'm good. How's the cat?"

You gasp and leap onto your feet, "Toffee!"

Toffee, your wonderful baby is safe and sound in her carrier. She looks at you, and you get the impression that she understands nothing that's happening around her.   
You turn on your heel to look at Sans. "Okay, first off, What the fuck? Secondly, WHAT THE FUCK?" you yell. 

Sans walks over to a table and picks up a polaroid. It's a picture of a burnt down building of some sort."This is your apartment. Look, I'm not sure what your universe got right about us, but we're not the only ones on an endless train of time. Does that make any sense?" You take the photo and eye him suspiciously. The back of it is marked with today's date. When you inspect the picture, you see the remains of your apartment. There are police tape and a body bag. 

"You don't know me, kid, I get it, but I honestly couldn't watch you die anymore. I understand this is weird but, let's go upstairs, yeah? I can make you a 'dog or somethin."

"An apostrophe dog?"

He snorts. "yeah, c'mon. we can talk business." You grab your shit and follow the skeleton. What a fucking day. 

"Hey, Sans."

"Yeah?"

"Not sure if it means anything, but when I played the game, I only did the true pacifist route. I didn't reset."

"I, uh, thanks, I guess? Not entirely sure how to respond to that"

You nod sagely. "Frisk reset, and you remember it." Sans looks at you with new apprehension and slides over a 'dog your way. You silently hand him a nearby ketchup bottle. He chuckles but it sounds hollow.

"That's another point for accuracy."

You smile, but it feels lopsided on your face. "Ten points to Slytherin."

Sans sets down the polaroid earlier in front of you. He sits down in a chair across from you. His slumped posture reminds you of someone world-weary. Makes sense. 

"I tampered with the machine. It ended...poorly. Different versions of myself and paps ended up coming into our universe and timeline. Call it whatever, but I kept having these dreams about a human I didn't know. They increased until I had them every night. I'd see you do something mundane, or I'd watch you die,"

"Sometimes I'd be with you. Didn't matter, I guess. Then, I stumbled across your universe on the machine. Me and the...others...were trying to find what caused this mess," he sighs and takes a sip of ketchup. Straight from the bottle. 

"See, the machine can read souls. There were no monster souls in this universe. It confused me, so I did some calculations and managed to route to your universe. That night I had the most vivid dream of you by far. See, I took some leaves out of my old man's book and managed to find a way to get me to your timeline. The thing is, the jump was so large it drained me of my magic pretty quickly. When I managed to find you, I found this," he points to the polaroid. 

"I jumped your timeline several times until I got it right. This is the time I managed to make it work. Currently, it's months ahead of the date your apartment burned down. I time-traveled, to put it bluntly."

You rub your temples and frown. 

"Okay, so, Sans fucking Undertale saved me from burning down in my apartment. Also, I'm technically in the future. Please at least tell me humans are semi-decent to you guys."

Sans blinks his eye sockets, "uh, sure? nothin too bad, I guess."  
You take a bite of your meal. Sans opens his mouth to speak again, but the slam of a door cuts him off. 

Underfell Sans makes his appearance. Your eyebrows raise. Underfell looks from you to Sans, to your cat lying innocently by your feet. His eyebrow bones are scrunched and his untied trainers are muddy.

"The fuck 's goin on?" he borderline mumbles. Oof. You glance to Sans. 

"Yeah, what is going on, Sans?"

Underfella, Red, Cherry, whatever the fuck he goes by, glares at Sans. "Well, pal?"

"This is my friend. Their apartment burned down. We're moving them in." 

If underfell sans was drinking something, he'd have done a spit take. "But-"

You hold your hand up, "Hold up now, you haven't asked me, Sans. Besides, do you go by Red or what?" You direct the question to underfell sans. 

Sans' brow bones raise, but he reigns in his look of surprise. A neutral mask slips onto his skull.   
"No other options, kiddo. There's no other you wanderin' around the surface."

You arch a brow, "absolutely none? Not even a dead one?" Sans shakes his skull. Underfell steps closer to the table until he's practically looming over you. 

"ya got some explanin' to do, buddy."

You simply smile at him. It isn't entirely friendly. 

"So, was Red or Cherry right?"

Sans slides his arm between underfell and you. "He's Red, but you knew that, huh?"

'Red' backpedals. "Who the fuck is this?" a flash of fear crosses his expression. Sans looks at him and then you like he was struck with a realization. 

"Holy shit...."

You don't like the way they're both looking at you now. "What?"

Red summons a red bone. Where's a megalovaina remix when you need one? Wow, that's menacing.

"ya ain't got no soul."


	2. Normalcy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Conversations and unpacking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no impulse control so I'm updating one day after uploading the first chap. Whoops. Not sorry at all. Please let me know if there's an error or something that doesn't make sense!
> 
> Thank you for reading!

"Oh, shit, really? Can you see my stats at all?" you ask, genuinely curious. No soul, then no encounter, right? Sans would probably throw a bitch fit if Red hurt you, anyway. He did just save your life, so Red ending it after all that effort would be counterproductive. You idly wonder if monster food would still heal you without a soul. What else would that affect? Can magic affect you at all? 

Sans slides between you and Red. "Hey, how 'bout we all sit down and chat?." His eyelights flick between the two of you. Maybe your lack of a soul is making him nervous. Probably. At least he was trying to diffuse the situation. Dying would be inconvenient.

You roll your eyes. Sans is not slick at all. "Don't pull that cousin shit in front of him, please. I'm dumb, but not a fuckin idiot, and trying to pull one over on him is insulting his listening skills." Oh shit, Red looks like he really wants to murder you now. His expression is menacing, and you can definitely see how he and classic verge from each other. Sans visibly stiffens. You can see his shoulder (bones?) tense, and his head turns towards you slightly.

"Dude," he whispers as if you just unplugged his phone. You sigh, nice and long. What a mess. Did he really want to keep things from his housemates? Yeah, the shoe fits. He probably wanted to introduce you as his friend, keep you around for a while, and then send you back to your timeline. As if you'd let this opportunity slide. There was almost nothing for you back home that could compare to this.

"Sit down, please. Let's compare notes, yeah?" you ask. Hopefully, Red would chill the fuck out, and you three could communicate decently. It seems more and more like a pipedream as you waited for the reactions of the skeletons. Thankfully, Sans plops down and stares at Red until he wills away his bone attack. Red doesn't sit but backs up to give you space. You'd take it as an olive branch. It was the best you could ask for right now.

"Okay, firstly, If I'm gonna have unnatural information, then it's their right to know that I have it. Right? I haven't, like, watched your lives play out, but I know enough, I guess. In my world, you're all fictional characters. So naturally, my information is not going to be fully correct. The only concrete info I have is from Undertale. Which is a game. From my world. Make sense?"

Red crosses his arms, "How'd ya know my alias and identity, then, eh?"

"Simple, fanfiction, a hella of a lot of fanfiction," you say as if it was a fact of life. Which it was. True story. The Undertale fandom was a beast of its own.

Sans' expression fights between curiosity and something uncomfortable. Red snorts incredulously. Is this where denial sets in or where he tries to establish dominance?

"Yer fuckin wit me, aren't cha? Sansy boy here already told you about us, and this 's a prank on me fer not helpin' wit' laundry last week, great, ya got me!" Oh, so it's the denial route, then? Best cut this shit out before it really starts. 

You stare red down with a firm expression. "I wouldn't lie about this shit, kay? I don't have a soul because I'm from a different universe. Sans brought me through the machine. Try checking it for a jump history, if you want. If it helps my case, I can easily identify every one of your cousins and their home universe. try. me."

Sans runs his hand down his skull, "Shit, kid." He sounds like a mother would after her daughter tells her that she wrecked her car, with no insurance.

Red growls, "I swear ta fuck if this 's true ya got some heavy explain' ta do, Sansy." Then he stomps off to presumably check the machine. You watch him leave and adjust your hair. Hopefully, there'd be some sort of history on the damn thing that'd corroborate your story. Red must not have been told what exactly Sans was looking for while in search of your universe. It was believable. He seemed the type to hold his cards to his chest until you backed him into a corner. Today, you and Red were that corner, metaphorically.

"Well, that went well," you say. 

"You're a big security risk, you know that, right?" Sans asks. You nod and drum your fingers on the table as Toffee snuggles closer to your feet. You can't tell if he's speaking entirely about your knowledge surrounding his 'cousins' or your general knowledge about The Underground. Both, perhaps. Didn't matter. Sans is smart and has probably put the pieces together to know that you had the same amount of info as frisk does. Quite dangerous when you're someone he doesn't know too well that doesn't have a soul. Soulless beings don't inspire fuzzy feelings for most.

"I'd be an actual dumbass to pass this up."

Sans drinks more ketchup. "How so?"

You smile. It's earnest and probably happier than any of your more recent smiles. Who was it again that said that thing about happy accidents? You'd remember it eventually, but the sentiment rang true; A happy accident indeed. Minus the getting threatened part, that didn't spark joy.

"Simple, you guys were my friends before I even met you," you say and finish your 'dog, "Besides, I can't exactly squeal, can I? Everyone would think I'm off my rocker. It's either I live here or the homeless shelter. At least with me here, you can keep an eye on me." 

Sans' expression locks down again. You ignore it and instead mentally prepare yourself for the interrogation of your life. It's sure to happen eventually, so you might as well get ready ahead of time. If you don't exist here, then do any of the people where you're from? How would you get a job? Would the copy of your birth certificate in your bag even be worth anything? It'd basically be rendered a fake, right?

"Alright, guess you're moving in. We have a spare room for you. I'd shortcut you, but it wouldn't hurt to show you around. Follow me," Sans says. You pick your shit up, cat included, and follow Sans. He leads you through the various areas of the house.

"This is the backdoor, uh. It's a large property, and not everyone lives in the main house. The woods are....interesting. It might rattle your bones if you go in there," he vaguely shrugs one shoulder towards a big sliding glass door. You can see the woods he's talking about. It does seem uninviting, but you have a hunch about who might reside in those woods. It'd be better to not travel through them until you meet everyone, though. Wouldnt want any accidents. 

"This is pretty obviously the living room. You've seen the front of the house and basement so, we'll head upstairs," Sans says. You let him lead you past what's a half bath or closet and up a set of stairs. A long hallway greets you. Sans idly gestures towards the various doors. "These are the bedrooms. There are also two bathrooms on this floor. Your room is the one with the blank door." Sans opens the said door and enters. The room is bare, to be blunt. Which was what you expected. There was a door, sheetless bed, closet, dresser, and a window with a curtain that wasn't fully solid. Although it seemed unused, there was no dust from what you could tell.

You set down your bug out bag and the cat carrier. Toffee pads in behind you and starts exploring. Sans scratches the back of his neck. "Look, pal. I know we've kinda had a rough start, but I am glad that you're alive if that means anything. I'll get paps to send you up some stuff while I try to set up a family meeting. Before then, let's agree not to tell anyone about the universe hopping, for now, k?" Sans says. You note that he sounds strained. The poor dude must not have fully processed everything you've said so far. If you know your AUs any, then you can go ahead and guess what kind of shit he deals with regularly. You watch Toffee patter across your new room. 

"Okay," you say. Sans pauses for a silent moment before he teleports away. He's in your side vision until he isn't. Weird. You blink your eyes a few times. 

"Alright, cool. I'm unpacking and about to meet another skeleton from a videogame. Normal shit. Yep, totally normal and fine," you say to yourself. Toffee jumps onto the dresser, and your shoulders slump. What the fuck is even happening anymore? You take a few slow breaths to steady yourself before you begin to unpack. 

How long was Sans going to let you stay here? Did you really not want to go back to your old life? Those thoughts promised a dark plane of potential existence that you did not need to traverse before meeting Papyrus. He was such a cheery soul. Those weird emotions could wait. 

You finish analyzing your goods and putting them away. They didn't completely fill up the room, but it was a sight better than before. It seems you had finished right on time as a knock echoed through your spacious room. It was time to meet another skeleton.


	3. Guessing Game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Skeletons, Skeletons everywhere!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I totally didn't stay up extra late last night dumping this onto a sheet. I tried to fix any errors I saw, but let me know if I missed anything! NO BETA WE DIE LIKE RESPECTABLE FOLK.
> 
> The characters are probably OOC but I had this scene in my head since I started conceptualizing this fic.
> 
> As always, my Tumblr is shatterflowerdemon. Idk how to link it DWDJFSFS.

You open the door. At first, your eyes meet a clothed torso. You back up slightly and crane your neck up. A smiling skeleton meets your eyes. 

"HELLO, NEW HUMAN ROOMATE! IT IS WONDERFUL TO MEET YOU FINALLY. SANS FORGOT TO INTRODUCE I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, TO YOU. HOWEVER, AS I AM A GOOD BROTHER AND POTENTIAL FRIEND, I SHALL IGNORE IT!" Papyrus says. His voice annoys you less than you previously thought it would. The pitch may be high, but it didn't make your eardrums bleed. His voice fully annunciated every consonant and vowel. He's holding clean sheets and a comforter. They look small in his arms. Papyrus is indeed a rather tall skeleton, you observe.

"Hi! It's good to finally meet you, Papyrus. Naturally, I've heard good things about you," you say. It wasn't a lie. You really had heard his brother sing his praises before, just not in the traditional sense. However, you were determined to befriend this adorable skeleton. He deserved more friends, even if this timeline deviated from the game you were used to. 

You realize you forgot to introduce yourself and immediately correct it.

"I WISH I COULD RETURN THE FAVOR! MY BROTHER, SADLY, DID NOT MENTION YOUR EXISTENCE. I AM SURE IT WAS JUST BECAUSE HE'S LAZY AND HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU PERSONALLY," Papyrus states with slight irritation at the end. 

The skeleton brother's dynamic from the alpha timeline never ceased to amuse you. It was all in good fun and mutual affection with those two. You hoped the same could be said for the other skeleton pairs you were to meet. Hopefully, they weren't like some of the content you had seen concerning the AU's. It could get rather depressing and angsty. There was merit to it, for sure, but you'd hate to think there's whump in the skeleton mansion. 

"I'm sure it just slipped his mind. For what it's worth, I owe it to him. He practically saved my life," you tell Papyrus. Close enough to the story. 

Sans did you a considerably large solid by saving your life and taking you in. Even if it was only temporary. At the least, you could maybe let him run some tests or something to buy time. You weren't sure how you'd feel if you were sent back home. An uneasy feeling welled in your chest that felt awfully close to dread. 'Stop it,' you told yourself as if it'd change anything. 

You were finally broken out of your funk by a chipper skeleton. 

"I BROUGHT YOU FRIENDSHIP LINENS. FRIENDSHIP SPAGHETTI IS SUPERIOR, BUT WE HAVE SOMEHOW RAN OUT. PLEASE CONTAIN YOUR SORROW," Papyrus says as he gives you a comforting expression. Aww, maybe you'd actually try some in the future. Time would tell. If someone threw away the spaghetti on purpose, then it didn't bode well for you. Was it thrown out due to its future sub-par preparation? 

"Thank you for the friendship lines. I'll try my best to keep my composure."

Papyrus passes his peace offering to you. It's quickly placed on your new mattress. You start to make the bed, and Papyrus wordlessly helps you with the far corner. What a sweetheart. 

"Ah, Thank you! Sans said something about a family meeting later?" you ask. Hopefully, it wouldn't take him long. Best to rip off the bandaid as soon as possible. Papyrus' back straightens sharply.

"YES, THANK YOU FOR REMINDING ME! I WILL ESCORT YOU TO THE MEETING IF YOU DO NOT MIND?" It's awfully close to sounding timid, the way he says it.

"I don't mind. When are we leaving, Papyrus The Great Escort?"

He beams proudly at you. It's a good look on him, you decide, next to his cute sweater, scarf, and black-rimmed glasses. Absolutely adorable. What a darling. 

"WE DEPART NOW, HUMAN THE ESCORTEE."

An eccentric character. Good times. Papyrus gallantly offers you the crook of his elbow. You take it carefully and smile up at him. It feels natural on your face.

"Lead the way," you say. 

He guides you down the stairs, and you take the opportunity to look around the house from a new angle. It's mildly interesting. 

Your heart feels like it falls out of rhythm when you gaze down at the living room. Various skeletons are spread through the downstairs. Oh shit, why are you nervous? It's not like you really know the AU skeletons, and even the original bros aren't precisely those in the game. Fuck. You're still somewhat nervous. 

You spot Sans' figure as you and his brother finish descending. All of the skeletons in the area avert their attention to you, minus Papyrus. He's looking at his nervous-looking brother. It's a weird look on Sans. Beads of blue artificial sweat gather on his cranium.

"Hey, pal. I sheet that you made it. We've got everyone gathered so, let's start," Sans announces the last part to the whole room. You spy vaguely familiar bodies around the room. You don't meet anyone's gaze head-on. Not yet. 

"Time to get on my case then," you pun back at Sans. He gives you a half-hearted wink. Poor fucker is barely keeping a lid on his anxiety. You figure you would be too if you had to introduce someone like yourself to your alternate selves. What an odd sentence. Somehow, the brief pun exchange has made you slightly less nervous. You sigh slowly through your teeth and allow yourself to sweep your eyes over the crowd. Blue, red, purple, orange, and maybe more colors greet you. Cool. 

Sans walks over to stand in front of the TV set and waves you over. 'New student introduction' was today's style of business, great. You walk over to stand next to Sans. He's shorter than you. It's a weird observation to make then, but you don't think it over further. You notice Papyrus sit next to someone you can tell is a Sans. Underswap, based on the small things you can notice about them; a bandana, cyan colors, and cute aura. Sans snags your attention again by speaking. 

"This is YN. Their apartment burned down, so they're moving in," Sans says. Several skeletons start to contest, but he puts his hand up in a 'stop' motion. 

"Before we discuss it, I want to run a little experiment. Don't do anything to give away your names for a few secs." Sans turns to look at you, "go along with it, kay?" You nod. Is he gonna-

"-They're gonna guess your names. I ain't told YN what they are, scouts honor," he says as he holds up his fingers in a mock scout symbol. You snort and make a mental note to ask him how he knows your name later. Toffee strides into the room and rubs against your ankles. You pick her up. 

"OF ALL THE TOMFOOLERY- WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF THIS EXPERIMENT?" Screeches an imposing Papyrus from the back of the room. He's propped up against a corner and eyeing you with scorn. Must be an Underfell. Sans just smiles good-naturedly at him and gives you a lazy thumbs up. His earlier anxiety seems to have been quelled. Maybe you or the new skeletons passed some sort of test? It's probably from the lack of violence.

You glance from one end of the room to the other. There was nothing to incline that you would even be remotely right about these skeletons. An idea hits you. It's stupid as fuck, but you're gonna do it. You stroke Toffee's head and remain in your spot. 

"Well, the obvious is that every skeleton in this room is a Sans or Papyrus. I'll guess nicknames, aliases, whatever, instead. Sound good?" you ask Sans. Better to get the cat out of the bag. You only agreed to keep a lid on the timeline hopping. His wording was also time dependant, so you were technically in the clear.

Shouts of indignation and various other disagreeing noises fill the room. You resist the urge to roll your eyes. It's not like you wouldn't have caught on eventually. Shit was too coincidental. 

You block out whatever Sans and Papyrus say to the other skeletons in order to calm them down. At least they seemed alright enough with this weird game for it to continue. The Underswap bros are the easiest for you to pinpoint, next to the Underfell's. Two of the skeletons look like some iteration of the Swapfell or Fellswap AU. You still get them confused, unfortunately. 

Toffee squirms out of your grasp and makes herself comfortable on Sans' foot. He glances at her and shrugs. You idly pop your knuckles and move to observe the skeletons better. 

You walk up to the couch closer to you first. You stop in front of Underswap Sans. The cyan bandana suits him. 

"You're probably named Blue or Blueberry, and your brother in the orange hoodie is either Slim or Stretch," you say. His expression turns to awe, but you're already moving to another set of skeletons.

You stand in front of Underfell Papyrus. His glare is almost physical, but you meet it without wavering. "Boss or Edge. Maybe both. Depends on who's talking to you," you say and jack your thumb to his brother, Red. You don't catch his expression, but you do notice his hands clenching his crossed arms tighter. 

Before anything else happens, you're on the move again. A short skeleton with purple eyelights eyes you with bored disdain. He's wearing a purple bandana around his neck. Swapfell, or Fellswap, this one. You hum and bite your lip. "Not the most familiar with you, to be honest. Blackberry is the obvious choice, but you could be Wine or Lord for all I know. All are likely enough," you say. 

The skeletons are oddly silent while you perform your task. You arrive at the next skeleton. All it takes is a glance at him to know he's the brother to the last skeleton you guessed the name of. 

Everyone's gaze is dense enough to be an almost physical weight on your back and face. "You're the brother to that one," you say and gesture to Edgy Purple Motherfucker. The hooded skeleton raises a browbone at you and stares. "Mutt, slim or 'rus." 

He says nothing but stares you down until you move on. 

The aura in the room is not an inviting one. Which is warranted, since you're a soulless stranger in their house guessing their names and relations. Not exactly your average day. 

You next set your sights on two skeletons that give your heart grief. It's a little less easy to tell when you look at this AU's Papyrus, but the Sans is a dead giveaway. Horrortale. You're conscious about giving them a respectful amount of distance. A healthy amount of caution. The Sans in front of you would have killed you already if looks could murder. Unfortunately for him, they don't, so you keep breathing. His brother, on the other hand, is excited, but it's restrained for a cheery Papyrus. Which is to be expected. 

"Oh, fuck. Knowing my luck, they decided to call you two Axe and Crooks, which would be fucked, to be honest. On the chance that I'm wrong, It's either Mars and Jupiter or Hickory and Tatters. You guys are kinda divisive, no offense," you say. It's true. You don't see a whole lot of consensus about what to call them, at least not when you compare them to the Underswap or Underfell bros. 

You're about to ask for your results when you notice another pair of skeletons. You're immediately confused. Normally, you'd write them off as Underfell, but they look off. It's a slow process compared to your analysis of the others. You pace in front of them as you think, hand on your chin. The taller one looks like he'd rather be anywhere else right now. You're half convinced the shorter one wants to punt you like a football. #SansMoment. Most of the Sanses in this room dislike you, from what you can tell.

"Fuck, I have like, no prior experience with whatever AU you're from. You look similar enough to Red and his brother, but I'm going into this blind," You tell the pair. The Papyrus huffs, and the Sans keeps his eyelights trained on you. The only tell you really have for these two is how this Papyrus has larger, sharper teeth that hang in an overbite when compared to fell paps. His brother has a splintering crack on his skull, and one eyelight is bigger than the other. You smack yourself on the forehead. This is a toughie. 

"I'm pretty much gobsmacked here. You're definitely some variation of the fell bros, but other than that, I have nothing. Seriously," you say. Is it your imagination, or did the Papyrus' shoulders relax some? Well, you're done. You shrug at Sans and wait for whatever comes next. 

Papyrus, the classical one, waves at you from his chair. "HUMAN FRIEND, DO NOT FORGET I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS." You blink. 

"Oh, okay. Uhh, you don't happen to go by just Papyrus, do you? Otherwise, my options are limited. Usually, they just stick to paps, but uh, I guess sugar?" you lift your hands in a 'what can I do' gesture. 

"A VALIANT NICKNAME, BUT IT IS NOT MINE. WE HAVE NOT REACHED THAT STAGE OF FRIENDSHIP FOR A NEW ONE ACCORDING TO THE FRIENDSHIP MANUAL. BUT I LOOK FORWARD TO IT!" He says with a smile. You can't help the look of fondness you give him. It's compulsory. 

"Alright, what the fuck 's goin' on, classic?" grunts Red. He looks irritated. That doesn't surprise you. Being emotionally constipated was his hobby.

"I DEMAND AN EXPLANATION FOR THIS CONFUSING CHARADE!" shouts Purple Motherfucker. You smile at your mental nickname for him, a pocket of sunshine for such a tense situation.

Sans shutters one of his eye sockets in a mock wink, "s rude not to introduce yourself. We'll explain later." He looks back at you to make sure you're aware of just what you owe everyone. 

There's a decent chance this will get you even further into a mess. Oh well, as long as Toffee's okay, you're okay. You nod in compliance with Sans' semi-request. 

Time to see how right you were, or weren't. What were the odds you survived this encounter unscathed?


	4. Head empty no thoughts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Introductions and Confusing Skeletons

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew. Finally, the mystery is solved! Sorry if it disappoints loves, but I love these boys a whole heckin' lot.
> 
> As usual, any errors? Feel free to holler at me. I tend to miss smaller errors. 
> 
> These boys are OOC and I don't even care. I want flirt fuckery like air.

Purple Motherfucker huffs and crosses his arms. His eyesockets level Sans with a glare. "I DO NOT SEE HOW THIS IS RELEVANT. IT QUITE POSSIBLE THAT YOU HAVE ALREADY TOLD THIS...HUMAN-" he spits the word 'human,' and you bristle, "- OUR NICKNAMES AND OUR ACTUAL NAMES IN A FIT OF IDIOCY."

Sans' easygoing nature cracks. His lazy smile drops into something less complacent looking. You can feel your shoulders tense. Instead of lashing out, Sans winks. It doesn't seem genuine.

"I didn't tell them your nicknames or who your brothers are. Promise," he says. 

Your eyebrows fly up your forehead. Sans The Skeleton just made a fucking promise. If that didn't settle them down, then you didn't know what would. 

Purple Motherfucker sits down but looks like a pissed-off cat as he does it. A cursory glance around the gathering shows that Sans' words had made enough of an impact. Then, as if a band had snapped, the scrutiny was back on you. The question hung in the air. 'Then how did the human know?' Spoiler: You already know the answer to that. It was time to send everyone a memo.

"I came from the machine, and this isn't my home universe," you announce and look at Red directly in the eyelights, "it might show up on its records or something."

Red grunts. "s true. Sansy made a jump earlier without tellin' anyone." You nod, and Sans makes a noise of agreeance. 

"In my home universe, you all exist, kinda," you pause and wave your hand toward the odd fell iterations in the back, "I dunno you guys for sure, but if you're here, then you must."

Sans takes this moment to pipe up. "There are no monsters in their home universe." Everyone seems to freeze. Various levels of shock display across everyone else's skulls. Stretch (?) paused amidst unwrapping a lollipop, muttering, "what the fuck?"

"None, none at all?" asks a sullen sounding Underswap Sans. 

"Yeah, my universe is a fucking mess anyway, so you dodged a bullet. Over there, you're all fictional characters. So being here right now is super wild," you fight the grin off your face as you say it. 

Regardless of the weird circumstances, it was cool to be in this universe. With skeletons from a video game and the internet! Holy fuck! A funny buzzing feeling blooms beneath your sternum. It feels like the start of something that would carry you down another whole path. It's the same feeling you get before going to emergency surgery or when you're about to jump off a plane to skydive. 

Sans speaks up. He's leaning against a wall now. His posture screams relaxation, and that he gives no fucks. You know better, though, since Sans' gaze stays on the skeletons in the room. They wander to you from time to time. It doesn't intimidate you. 

"They've already moved in so, play nice."

Purple motherfucker still looks peeved, but he finally acquiesces. His Sharp eyelights flick to you. 

"HUMAN, YOU MAY ADDRESS ME AS LORD, SINCE I AM YOUR SUPERIOR," He tells you with a haughty tone and tilt of his chin. This guy is shorter than you, an alternate version of an actual sweetie, and is trying to push YOU around? Was he overcompensating for something?

You laugh, practically in his face. It bellows from your diaphragm and bubbles up past your throat. 

"Seriously, dude? I get that you're edgy and shit, but please stop. I can't take you seriously. Besides, I'm not your dog," you inform him.

Edgy Fucker That Is Purple shoots up from his seat. You barely register Sans straightening his back. Before you blink, your hand is waving him off. You got this. 'Lord' was posturing, most likely. It fit his personality since you just challenged him and all. You were no pushover. Edgy Fuck sticks his finger in your bubble, right against your sternum. You raise a lofty eyebrow, unimpressed. Adrenaline tingles in your veins. Thanks, adrenal medulla. 

"I WILL GIVE YOU LAST CHANCE TO PROPERLY SUBMIT TO I, YOUR LORD," he scowls. It makes him look like a chipmunk you just took off your birdfeeder. You snort. 

"No thanks, you gotta earn privileges, buddy. Good effort on the posturing, though. Might be more effective with a stepstool, no offense other Sanses," you say. Your tone is icy as you poke him in the chest. The light pressure of your finger and words catches him off guard. The poke works at getting him out of your space. He stumbles back into his seat.

You dismiss Edgy Lord Fuck and instead, turn to look at the crowd of other Edgy Fuckers looking at you. Your hands rest on your hip, and you cock one out. 

"Any others wanna posture and play the intimidation game? I have a free schedule," you say. The way Edgy Purples' brother's shoulders lower doesn't escape your attention. No one says anything to you, but you notice some skulls nearing each other as if to speak without you hearing. Now coming off your adrenaline high, you look at Sans. 

"You guys got a chore chart or some shit?"

He nods, "yeah." 

"Cool, can I be added? I dunno exactly how I can be of much help, but it's an extra set of hands," you say. Sans is relaxed again, you think. 

"s no problem with me. It'll let me take more breaks," Sans says. You snort, thinking of his hotdog stand. Then you realize you still don't have everyone's names. 

"Hey uh, what're everyone's nicknames? For real, this time," you say, barbing Purple Fuck without looking at him. 

Sans waves drolly, "My name is Classic, and I've been drinking ketchup for years." You snicker and, matching the tone from AAA meetings on TV, say, "Hi, Classic." 

That gets a huff of air from Red and the Underswap paps, at least. 

"My name is Red, but you can call me anytime," he says smoothly. You roll your eyes. 

"If I wanted emotional constipation, I'd just binge-eat, but thanks for the offer." Red grins, opens his mouth, voice purring, "I could eat you-" "-Okay! Next monster," Sans interjects. You smile gratefully at him. 

Red totally would have finished that lecherous sentence, and you did not need that right now. Skeletons are hot and all, but damn it, you have bigger fish to fry! You ignore your body's reaction to Red flirtations. It was all fun and games for him. It would be okay with you if you weren't roommates. That's one way to easily complicate a living situation, even if you had no romantic feelings for each other. 

"You can call me Blue, new human friend!" says the blue bandana-wearing skeleton. Your smile stays affixed to your face. He smiles right back, and you give him a little finger wave.

"Nice to meet you, Blue. Glad to hear I wasn't flat out wrong. Then again, that bandana IS iconic..." you trail off, thinking about fanart. Blue's brother pipes up from his slumped position on the couch. 

"Stretch, present," he says with a sucker in his mouth, hand held up like he's in class. His expression isn't entirely unfriendly, but it seems emotionally closed off. You understood, concerning the circumstance. 

"Oh, sweet, two in a row," you pun. Stretch's lips? Teeth? Twitch up at one end. You'd take it. 

The trend continues with the introductions. Edgy Purple doesn't bother speaking to you again, though. Papyrus informs you that the others call him creampuff. You can't help the "Fuck, that's cute." that leaves your mouth. He seems to have liked your admission, though, based on his warm expression. He leaves for the kitchen awfully soon after that interaction. 

The Underfell Paps only says one word, 'Edge.' You tell him hi and move on mentally. Purple Fucks brother tells you to call him 'Mutt' in a tone that tells you all you need to know about where his mind was. As if him eyeing you lecherously wasn't enough of a tell. 

"Down, dog," you order him. Mutt makes an 'arf' sound, and it breaks your stone-like expression. The short burst of laughter escapes before you can stop it. "I'm always down," he says with a wink. His flirting feels a lot lighter and friendlier than Reds, so you let it go. Just as you start to think he's less of a flirt, he presses you into his personal space with a hand on your lower back. Mutt's voice is warm against your ear, and his grip is lax enough where you could break free with minor effort. 

"Blackberry works, but callin 'im somethin' else might getcha father," he borderline grows in your ear canal. Was his voice this deep earlier? You open your mouth to retort, but he's already headed upstairs. You watch him walk away, eerily close to blue screening. Stretch coughs from the couch. Blue looks like he wants to scold Mutt. Blackberry, now confirmed, heads up after his brother. His steps are heavy and precise. You dumbly notice his boots are heeled. 

Did Mutt intend for you to call Blackberry 'Lord' or something you thought up? The question of the hour. 

Tired of the lack of conversation, Sans clears his nonexistent throat. He points to the horror bros. You're thankful for the interruption.

"Axe and crooks," he states clinically. You grit your teeth. 

"Fuck that shit, the fuck do you guys actually want to be called?" you direct the question at 'Axe and Crooks.' The shorter one eyes you warily, but the tallest brother perks. He walks over, and his smile disarms any nervousness you could have had underneath your sudden irritation.

"Hello, Human friend, I Do Not Understand How You Already Knew My Nickname, Exactly, But I Appreciate Your Concern," he tells you. Crooks is bent over so that you can actually see his face. You whistle. 

"Daaaaaaamn son, someone got the height genes," you toss in a wink at the end. Hopefully, you could comfort him. The poor guy looked like being in this room was wigging him out a little.

"Thank You For Noticing, My Coworkers Call Me Moss, I Would Not Mind Anyone Else Doing The Same," he says. Oh wow, he had a job, that was great news! Moss pats his red hoodie with a large skeletal hand. You ignore the holes in the palms and read the script on his hoodie. It's a nurse hoodie with a cute nurse quote on it. 

"You're a nurse! That's fucking cool, dude. I can't even imagine the amount of walking you do. I'm tired just thinking of it," you respond. Did he go through all of that schooling to make a career for himself? People didn't give Papyri enough credit, it seems. The profession suited Moss, though. His nickname clicks into place when you spot the green creeping up on his skull.

"Oh my fuck, you blush! Holy shit, magic is so cool!" you gush. How did he do that? Was it because of his soul? Did that reflect his magic color? Did it fluctuate in tint any?

You continued to fawn over the very neat concept in front of you. 

"Someone is seriously going to have to give me a rundown on that shit soon. I'm kind of jealous. Does it glow in the dark like a pair of light up sketchers? Because that'd be dope as fuck," you ramble, hands moving a mile a minute. Moss laughs. His laugh reminds you of the twinkling of bells with the way it softly puffs out. You don't overthink your instant mental reaction. Cute, your brain screams! Cute!

Moss' brother strides up between the two of you, clearly trying some bullshit. He extends his hand to you as if asking for a handshake. Too bad you already know this one. 

"You're trying to stab my hand, right?" you ask. Wow, you're starting to get tired of the games playing out around you. Axe frowns but instead extends his other hand. Unafraid, you grip his hand. Axe's grasp is tight, but you don't relent. The two of you firmly shake hands. 

"So, you actually good with being called Axe? If it makes you feel any better, I could call you Sans if there aren't any other in the area," you tell him. Being called Sans might disturb him, or it might make him feel more comfortable. You'd hate to be called a fucking object you didn't pick. 

You just knew these two didn't pick their nicknames. There was no way. 

"Hick," he mumbles. You tilt your head. "Huh, cool. Reminds me of a hickory tree," you say. Hick stares at you blankly. 

"Just Hick." 

Okay, cool. You could vibe with that. 

"Nice to officially meet you two, Moss and Hick."

Moss excuses himself softly and wanders to the kitchen, likely to talk to creampuff. Hick eyes you a second too long before following his brother. You let it go. 

The two unknown skeleton brothers look at you. While talking to Moss and Hick, Blue and Stretch had left. Sans is slumped in a chair, looking extremely drowsy. If anything went wrong, he'd hear it. Not that these two other skeletons would be stupid enough to try anything out in the open. Right? Not exactly knowing their AU put you a little on edge. Deciding to fuck your feelings, you walk straight up to them and hold your hand out, palm tilted upwards a bit to express your intent.

'Not gonna hurt you guys, so don't be dicks' is what your body language screamed. 

The Papyrus looks down his nose at you, but it's not as hostile as he might want you to think. You're pretty good at reading expressions and vibe, and his say 'I'm nervous and ready to fight if you try shit, but I don't want you dead.' 

His right hand grabs yours. Wait, aren't all the other Papyri lefties? Huh. You brush it off. 

"YOU MAY ADDRESS ME AS CHIEF, HUMAN," wow, his voice is similar to Edges, but there's something off about the twang and tone. It was like he didn't feel like doing what he was doing. His eye sockets seemed weary. You shake his hand evenly, but not as hard as you did Hicks' hand. Matching the even grip of Chief was easy. 

Without another word, Chief walked away. Not stomped, walked. Huh. 

The Red lookalike was left. His large and small eyelight ran up and down your body. It felt invasive, but not lecherous. 

"Chompers," he says. To your mild surprise, he offers his hand first.  
You put yours in his. To your confusion, he lifts your hands to his skull. 

Chompers nuzzles your palm, mouth pressing against your wrist in a skeleton kiss. An honest to god flirtation. Chompers teeth lilt into a smile, and Your face feels like it's been microwaved. 

"U-Uhm, nice to meet you, Chompers. I don't reckon you'll tell me about your AU?" you ask, desperate to focus on anything but your pulse. 

"Nope," he breathes against your wrist. Damn, was it because of his magic that his breath was so warm? Oh god, you can't even meet his eyelights. Chompers lowers your arm from his face gently. You blink and watch him walk away. He pauses in front of the door, turns his head back to you, and winks. Chompers exits the house. Your brain floods with images of his razor teeth caressing your flesh. 

What the fuck?


	5. Cinnamon apple

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chore Charts and Babey Skeeeeltons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MWAHAHA! Another update, Lovelies! I wrote half of this after uploading the last chapter. I'm trying to steamroll this fic if you couldn't tell >:)
> 
> Tumblr: Shatterflowerdemon
> 
> (psst, I take requests, asks, and submissions. I also plan on uploading art for my fics, so stay tuned!)
> 
> I also just wanted to thank each and every one of you for your comments, kudos, and bookmarks. I read all of them, deadass. It means a lot to me that you guys actually like this fic haha.

When you enter the kitchen, Moss and Hick are nowhere to be seen. You assume they don't live in the main house. Based on their previous nicknames, things weren't amicable with the main house. Understandably so. 

Creampuff adds you to the chore chart that night. The two of you chat about various things, mainly what was happening in this universe. You didn't recognize any of the celebrities he tossed at you until he mentioned Mettaton. Upon admitting you only knew of him and had not seen his content, Creampuff determined you needed to marathon together. It ended up turning into a whole event when Blue suggested a group marathon of Mettaton, and then you were making food together. 

While making spaghetti tacos, the two tell you about themselves. Creampuff volunteers at a local no-kill shelter and runs a mascot blog. It's all impressive and so very much him. Blue informs you that he's working at the embassy and at a yarn store part-time. What a juxtaposition. 

They both had one 'lax' job and one that was more physically demanding. 

It was admirable. 

"Your jobs are cool. They suit you both," you tell them. They beamed at the comment. 

Things lull to a peaceful silence before Blue pauses while stirring a pot. He looks at you tentatively, like he wants to say something. "What's up?" you ask. He hmms and picks back up his stirring. 

"You don't have to answer this, friend, but did you have a job back Uhm, home?" the question is unsure. You keep your expression relaxed, so you don't alarm him. 

"Nothing substantial. You guys need a better nickname for me, by the way," you hope he didn't call you out on your lackluster reply. Both bone boys took mercy on you. 

"That's a good idea! We should host a poll later, or draw suggestions from a hat!" Blue says, excitement leaking into his words. 

"Hmm, not a bad idea. If anything's too suggestive, I can chuck it out. I don't know if anyone besides you guys will participate, but it sounds fun." 

Blue cuts of the stove burners and speeds off. His ideas are jumbled and too fast for you to understand as they leave his mouth. At least he's excited. 

Papyrus, having been oddly silent before, is now rapidly chatting to you about how he meal plans. You don't grasp all of it, but he's enjoying himself. That's what matters.

You're washing dishes when Classic shows up. 

"Hey, pal. Got some business to talk with you about when you have a chance," he says. You note the skeletal version of eyebags under his sockets, the poor sap. 

"Sure thing, I'll hit you up when I'm done," you tell him. Sans gives you a groggy thumbs up before teleporting. It sends you reeling.  
You may never get used to it. To end your shocked fumbling, Creampuff steadies you with hands-on your shoulders.

"ARE YOU ALRIGHT?" he asks, audibly concerned for your wellbeing. You look into his eye sockets and pat one of his hands. They're still on your shoulders. 

"Just shocked 's all. Thanks, Paps," you say, the nickname flowing out of you like water. The carrot color smattering across his zygomatic bones is what clues you in on your faux-pas. 

"Ah, uh, shit, sorry. I forget you guys aren't as familiar with me as I am you. I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable, Creampuff," you say. You make sure to use the nickname you were told to use. Did you make him uncomfortable? Fuck. You'd seriously hate yourself if you did something harmful to Papyrus. Too-good-for-this-world-Papyrus. 

"HUMAN, IT IS ALRIGHT," Creampuff assures you, hands still pressed comfortingly on your shoulders. Would it be weird to say you liked them there?

"I need to respect boundaries. It's my fault. Please don't make excuses for me if I overstep," you spout, mind reeling about fucking up. These skeletons didn't know you as you knew them. Why did you think staying was okay? You should have just left and....done something else than stay here with these interesting, sometimes funny, and calculating skeletons. You should have known you'd fuck up somehow. Knowing someone and actually interacting with them outside of a game is so different. Self-hate and guilt dug into your chest. It feels sharp.

"Human, Please," Papyrus says. His voice is low. It makes him sound like Stretch and Mutt. 

You blink up at him. 

"Shit, s-" one of his hands softly rises to cup over your mouth. His glove is smooth and isn't even blocking your airway. It's a light press.

"Nope, None Of That. It Is A Nickname, And We Are Friends. We Are Even Giving You One Hopefully By The End Of Tonight. Please Do Not Overthink This As You Have Done Nothing Wrong," he says. Papyrus pats you on the head and returns to washing dishes. You move to assist, but he shakes his skull at you. 

"YOU SHOULD SEE MY BROTHER BEFORE HE PASSES OUT." You can see the logic and begrudgingly follow his advice.

You find Sans on the back porch. He's in a lounge chair overviewing a folder full of papers. He doesn't look your way until you sit in a chair across from him. Guilt edges at you still, but it isn't as forceful as previously. You remind yourself to check if you're still good with Creampuff later.

"Hey," you say. 

"Hey," he says, blinking his eye sockets as if to stay awake, "here's some ID and legal documents. Don't ask. They're all as legitimate as possible." 

The file floats in front of you, surrounded by magic. You beam. 

"That's cool as fuck. Thanks, Sans. I really appreciate all of these things you're doing, even though you aren't obligated," you reply. Sans waves you off. 

"Nah, donut worry about it, Kid," he puns. You notice the donut-shaped pillow next to you after he says it. The pun clicks in your head. You snicker. 

"Alright, you got me on that one. P- Creampuff and Blue are setting up a marathon of Mettaton later to make me cultured. Y'know, if you want to come and pass out five minutes into a show," you tease. If there's one skeleton you know, it's this one. 

His grin widens exponentially. "You know me so well. Perfect napprotunity," he jokes. You chuckle minutely and return inside. There's a decent chance Sans will pass out in that lounge chair. 

You walk up to your room. Someone has placed a filled litter box in your room. You notice the bone pattern on it and can't fight the grin that spreads over your face. It must have been Papyrus, That sweetheart. 

Toffee is curled up on your bed. You sit on the bed, and the cat moves to rest next to you. The file weighs down your thighs. Did Sans get Alphys to do this? One of the other skeletons? Someone else? It didn't matter. Plausible deniability was important. 

You open the folder. A birth certificate, residency proof, and a driver's license lay there before you. You sigh in relief when you can't immediately see anything is off. Sans was trustworthy, so if he said this was as legit as possible, then it was. You notice your birthdate is accurate and pause. Did he know that from those weird dreams? Nothing surprised you anymore, so it was possible. About as possible as moving in with the living dead. 

You'd have to save that one for later. Unless Sans found the copy of your birth certificate from your bug out bag? That was more likely. 

A knock on your door disturbs you from your thoughts. It must be one of the skeletons. You seamlessly slide the file behind your headboard and scootch off the bed. Toffee seems unbothered during her sleep. 

You open the door. 

Blue stands behind it, wearing cute PJ's and grasping a pillow. It's a two-piece set with white airplanes and clouds on a blue background. 

"Marathon Time!" he exclaims. With the door open, you can hear Papyrus setting up the TV downstairs. He's also complaining about a sock. Typical, you think fondly. 

"Alright, let's do this," you tell him. Blue makes a 'whoop' sound and punches the air. You say goodbye to Toffee and crack the bedroom door. 

"Human, Do You Intend To Sleep In Those Clothes?" Blue asks. Oh, that's right, you're still in your clothes from earlier. You give him a careless shrug. 

"Slim pickings right now, Classic gave me less than a whole minute to pack," you tell him as you turn to walk down the hallway. Blue's hand plops down on your shoulder. You turn your head to look behind you. The fact that he isn't wearing gloves does not escape you. 

"That Will Not Do," he murmurs as he eyes your body. His eyesockets squinch and he taps a phalange on his mouth. It looks like he's trying to solve a puzzle. You shoot him a curious look. Is he trying to figure out your size? "I Should Have Something That Fits You," he says, confirming your thoughts. 

You weren't confident in his words until he returns from his room. The star sticker-covered door shuts with a hearty slam. Blue returns with a heap of fabric. You're hesitant to accept his help, but you really do need a bigger wardrobe right now. Maybe the skeletons could start a coat drive for you. The mental image makes you snort. You'd prefer to tutor a snotty kid and buy your own shit. 

"Try These On! They're Old, So Don't Feel Guilty About It," he tells you. A few of the pieces seem more like costume pieces, but they might come in handy, maybe. 

"Thanks, Blue. I really appreciate it. Seriously. You guys have been really chill about this whole thing," you say, and you do mean it. Sure, some of the skeletons didn't like you (okay, a good portion of them,) but they weren't trying to murder you or evict you, so that was neat. 

Blue grins at you and claps his hands together, eyelights sparkling. "You Should Let Me Review Them When You Put Them On! I Can Tailor Anything That Doesn't Fit," he offers excitedly. Huh, that's a useful skill. 

"I wouldn't want to burden you, though."

He shakes his head and moves his hands rapidly as he speaks. "It's No Problem, Really! I'm Not A Professional, and It's Been Forever Since I've Been Able To Make Papy Anything To Wear! I Promise I Think It's Fun!" 

Aghhhh, he looks so excited. Aw, he used to make clothes for his brother? That's fucking cute. How domestic. You sigh and relent. 

"I'll give you a fashion show if you're sure." 

Blue propels you to the bathroom, albeit gently. He tosses out some ideas, but you don't get the chance to process them. 

You shake your head bemusedly and sift through his contributions. Shirts, a jacket, various pants, and more litter the ground. You dig through and find a silky roll of cloth. It looks like it could have once been apart of a fantasy costume. Good potential shawl, though. A well worn yellow scarf is stuffed in a Graphic T-shirt. It has an anime character you don't recognize printed on it. Probably something he used to watch. 

You start with a simple ensemble; Sweatpants and a shirt. The pants run a little short on you, and you have to loosen the drawstring. Granted, Blue was short, and these could have shrunk in the dryer. The shirt fit fine. Maybe blue didn't like baggy shirts? Meh, whatever, you weren't going to look this gift horse in the mouth, even though the trojans really should have. 

You exit the bathroom. Blue eyes the outfit critically. He offers to tailor the clothes, but you talk him down from the idea. They fit well enough on their own. This pattern repeats through all of the clothes. At one point, Blue encouraged you to do a spin. Which you did, very awkwardly, but he still applauded you. It was fun. 

You could forget your minor stresses when goofing off with Blue. He wasn't 'Papyrus but Sans,' he was actually his own person. You couldn't confuse him with any other if you tried. How Blackberry ended as he did, was mostly unknown to you. At least his brother seemed alright, just flirty. Actually, a few of them were flirty, which you still didn't understand. Regardless, you decided to take things at face value. They were just dicking around. 

After the final outfit, Blue gave you some recommendations on pairing his castoffs together. 

"Thanks again, Blue. You really didn't have to do this," you thank him as you walk downstairs together. You had already put away the clothes in your room and changed into a comfy outfit. 

"You're Welcome, Friend! It Wouldn't Be Very Guard Like Of Me Not To Help!" he says. Your chest twinges a little, and you rub your sternum idly. Even if he did it out of a sense of duty, it was helpful and kind of him. He didn't even know you. You felt like you'd been friends for weeks. You'd have to keep a lid on that in order not to repeat the Creampuff incident again. 

"HUMAN! BLUE! HELLO! I HAVE SET UP OUR SLEEPOVER!" calls Papyrus from his spot on the floor. He's pushed the couch back. The floor is laden with soft-looking blankets and pillows. It idly reminds you of a nest. Papyrus' jammies are very darling. It's an onesie designed to look like a racecar driver's outfit. 

You and Blue make yourselves comfortable.


	6. The Marathon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You finally watch Mettaton.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wasn't too happy with this chapter, but I didn't know what else to do with it. No beta, as usual. 
> 
> ALSO THANK YOU GUYS FOR THE VIEW, COMMENTS, AND KUDOS. IM REALLY TOUCHED.
> 
> Tumblr: Shatterflowedemon.

Papyrus is practically glowing from excitement. It's infectious since you can already feel your earlier tension melting. Even if these guys didn't like you that much, you were still grateful for them being around you. Was it pitiful that'd you didn't care if they just tolerated you or befriended you out of pity? Maybe, but you'd take what you could get. It was still better than your life before Sans saved you. Shit, Sans. 

"I'll be right back," you say to Blue and Creampuff. You don't notice the glance they share as you pick up a stray blanket. Sans was probably passed out in the cold air. Even if he was a skeleton, your instincts demanded you wrap him up. If you were better friends, you might have carried him inside. Damn, did that sound weird? 

It's cold outside, alright. When you slide the backdoor open, the air immediately bites at your bare feet. It isn't unbearable. Sans is passed out in the lounge chair from earlier. You dare to assume that he fell asleep not long after you headed inside. His neck is oddly positioned, so you dare to put a stray pillow under his skull. Fortunately, the movement doesn't wake him. You ignore how your hand brushes against his skull. It doesn't actually feel like bone; the texture is off, and it's warm to the touch. Suddenly feeling like you just did something forbidden, you quickly tuck Sans in and go inside. A cracked open eyesocket tracks your movements, unseen by you. 

When you step through to the living room, the coffee table is covered with snacks, drinks, and spaghetti tacos. Blue waves to you and puts a slip of folded paper into a glass jar. You notice there's already one in it. Is that-

"-HUMAN FRIEND! I Have Put A Nickname Idea In This Jar!" for added effect, he spins it around, so you notice the slip of paper taped onto it. The note reads 'AWESOME NICKNAME IDEAS FOR HUMANFRIEND.' It seems like someone ran out of room towards the end. You huff goodnaturedly. 

"It's sure to be a good suggestion, then," you say with a warmth in your tone that had nothing to do with the pleasant temperature inside the house. Blue grins back at you, and it makes your stomach do weird things. Fuck, you're so not going to unpackage that right now. Blue bounds over towards you and chuckles mischievously. He taps your lips with a phalange. 

"No peeking," he urges. You probably look dumb as fuck right now but he's very close, and if you stepped slightly forward, you'd be chest to chest. Before you can blink, Blue is plopping down in the pseudo-nest. You take half a second to recover from that interaction. Papyrus chooses this moment to enter the living room. You turn to him, and he's followed by Stretch. Oh, okay, was he joining? Your answer comes in the form of Stretch plopping down next to his brother. If you wanted to sit next to blue, you'd have to do it off the comfy padding. Fuck that. If Stretch wanted to momma bird, he was more than welcome to do so. You had priorities. Comfy Priorities. 

You sit next to Stretch, and Creampuff sits next to you. All things considered, it's a comfy atmosphere. The lights in the room are warm but not intense enough to make you feel like you were on stage. The TV light reflected off of Bones and Company. It was an interesting sight, but you forced yourself to look away. Weirdness tamed, you start to pay attention to the things around you more. Blue is chattering excitedly about how entertaining Mettaton is. You nod and make affirming noises when it's proper. 

You try to ignore the stiff presence of Stretch beside you. It doesn't surprise you at all, but that doesn't make it any more pleasant. Big brother shtick and all that. At least he had a reason to be cautious other than your species. Stretch's demeanor was relaxed, but you knew better. Determined not to let it bother you, the discussion between you and the other boys continues while Blue and Creampuff try to pick a show to start the marathon off with. They pick something with a dramatic title, and Mettaton EX dressed in a pioneer-era dress. It looks dramatic. 

Holy shit, were you not ready for this show. If you had any doubt about Mettaton's acting skills, then they were blown out of the water. Wow, you felt like you had your socks knocked off. Creampuff's arm ends up brushing against your own halfway through the movie. The movie seemed lighthearted and feel good at first, but the ending crushed you. It was bittersweet, and those things caused a sneaky heartbreak. Creampuff finds a tissue to blow into, even though he doesn't have any snot or a nose. Blue leans against his brother, seeking casual comfort. Creampuff makes a 'boo-hoo-hoo' noise. You pat his shoulder comfortingly, even though you're positive tears are running down your face. 

"They had me in the first half," you say, a warbling laugh following it. This show took you by the emotional balls, for real. How Mettaton managed such a humble (for him) character, you might never know. Damn did he rock that pioneer dress, though. 

The four of you take a break, eating more of the snacks and chatting about the highlights of the show. Stretch keeps glancing at you, but you don't heed it. If he wants to say something, then he'll do it on his own, no need to call him out on it. Somehow, Creampuff and Blue end up in a drink fetching competition. They (carefully) race to the kitchen, intending on making the fastest drink run. 

If you had anything to say to Stretch in private, then this was the moment. Could you reassure him about something? Or should you actually ask him what the fuck was up with him? You didn't have anything to base that question on though, all he did was sit next to his brother, close himself off emotionally, and say nothing to you.

Avoidance was the only option since you couldn't pick. You stuff a spaghetti taco in your mouth and hope the glitter is edible. Thankfully, the taste was pleasant, if a little over spiced. What a time it was to be alive. 

"Hey," says Stretch. You eye him with slight weariness. 

"Hi," you say back. Things grow awkward. You can hear rambunctious sounds emanating from the kitchen. It sounds like Blue and Creampuff are enjoying themselves. If only you could say the same. You sigh a little, resigning yourself to enjoying your taco in silence. 

"What's your angle, pal?" asks Stretch. He looks dead in your eyes and unwraps a lollipop dug out from his hoodie pocket. Your face scrunches, off-put by his question. No 'stay away from my bro' or 'I'll kill you if you hurt anyone?' Huh. 

"90 degrees. I may be a dumbass Stretch, but I'm not braindead. If I wanted to hurt anyone, which I don't, I sure as fuck wouldn't do it to the people I live with, now. I have nowhere else to go, and I'm too fucking attached to skeletons to hurt any of them. That sounds weird as fuck, but it's true. You guys haven't done shit to hurt me so I have no reason to lash out," you tell him. 

Frankly, you don't give a shit if that sounded hostile. You're fucking offended anyone would suggest you'd hurt any of these skeletons. Sure, they weren't all friendly as a lark, but they spared you from the third degree until now and did nothing to physically harm you or bully you into moving out. Something protective swells up inside of you. If anyone tried to hurt Blue, you'd tear them a new asshole, regardless of how little or long you had interacted with him. Fucker was too babey. 

A chilling sensation slithers down your spine. Your shoulders jump from the odd feeling. What was that? It certainly wasn't a muscle spasm. When you look at Stretch, an actual chill wracks your frame. His eyelights are g o n e. 

"So, Human, if I can even call you that, why dontcha have a soul?" he asks you. His tone is icy. You groan. 

"Ah fuck, not this shit again. Look, you're a judge, so you tell me. I don't know why I don't have one, but Sans and Red already know about it. I still have emotions, so I'd appreciate it if you kindly didn't skewer me for fertilizer."

"Judge, huh? You know a dangerous amount of information, don't you?" he interrogates. You nod since it's accurate.

"That's why I'm here. Can't do shit if I'm living with you guys. I don't have any proof, by the way. Unless you count game screenshots and memes, which don't say shit about multiverse theory."

"Game screenshots," he states. You notice he's leaning more into your space as if to crowd you. Normally you'd clamp shut like a shell from such a dick move, but you were trying to stay on this dude's 'don't kill' list. His intimidation attempts were starting to tick you off. 

"Yep," you say, popping the 'p,' "the screenshots look like someone made the underground into a game. Only Creampuff and Classic are in them out of all of you. I know shit because I fucking love that game. So, I'm not going to hurt anyone, other than me not being a sociopath. This universe is so much kinder than my own, and I'd like to stay." The look Stretch sends you digs into your very being like he's stripping away your layers. He must find something that doesn't piss him off since he looks away from you. Stretch's shoulders slump, and he unwraps another lollipop. He extends it to you. It catches you off guard, but you take it. 

"Thanks, Stretch."

"Don't fuck it up, Human," he warns you, but it less bite than his earlier words. You'd gladly take it over getting turned into a shishkabob. 

"I'd rather stab myself in the foot," you tell him. Papyrus and blue stride back into view. They're carrying drinks and have a few stains on their PJs. You whistle. 

"Spicy drink fetching skills, guys. Did you have to fight the fridge?" 

Blue shakes his head. "NO, BUT WE DID ARM WRESTLE. WE REACHED THE DRINKS AT THE SAME TIME, AND THEN WE COULDNT BEAT EACH OTHER AT ARM WRESTLING, SO WE TRIED ROCK, PAPER, SICCORS. WE TIED," he informs you. You smile and tell him that they're both just too great. All of that greatness nullifies itself. Blue heartily agrees. The marathon begins once again. Here's to hoping the next Mettaton movie won't be a tearjerker.


	7. Bite The Bone Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Breakfast and Physical Activity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter really got away from me haha. I had an almost completely different chapter flow but then Red took over. Not sure about the quality of this chapter, but it's setting up some necessary stuff. 
> 
> We'll get to some other skeletons soon! BUT FIRST! A POLL!
> 
> Reader should work at: Muffets, Grillby's, or a grocery store. 
> 
> No due date! I'll just take a look at the comments when that plot point comes up in the story. It won't affect a whole lot, honestly. 
> 
> I posted a picture of Chompers swimming here:
> 
> <https://shatterflowerdemon.tumblr.com/post/640059577611747328/chompers>
> 
> if that above embed is fucked up, try this: 
> 
> https://shatterflowerdemon.tumblr.com/post/640059577611747328/chompers

You wake up with a mild headache. Shit, did you drink last night? Nah, your headache would be worse if you had gotten plastered. Toffee jumps onto your legs, and you rub the sleep from your eyes. Nope, no alcohol graced your stomach last night. 

Okay, you didn't get drunk, but you should still be able to remember walking upstairs, right?

How the fuck did you get in bed? You remember marathoning and then, nothing. So, you fell asleep, but you would most certainly recall climbing the stairs and tucking yourself into bed. Weird shit was afoot. Someone must have carried you, aww. Regardless, you were thankful, if slightly wigged out. The floor would have totally fucked up your neck. Thankfully, it was likely one of your marathon partners had done it. You made a mental note: ask around about sleep transport, and see if Sans had made it inside alright last night. The woods might be peaceful enough, but it couldn't hurt to make sure he was alright. 

You bring out the emergency pet supplies from your bag and feed your cat. Toffee munches happily, and the sight of it makes you feel content. A happy baby equals a happy parent, after all. She meant a lot to you, being one of the few rays of light in your life until recently. Toffee made you want to drink water and make trips to the store. 

Stretching, you make your way to the window. The glass is chilled under your hand but not freezing. You pick out an outfit from Blue's donations according to the weather. It's a comfortable outfit, of course. You pause to think about hygiene; a good ol' cleaning up could do you well. You make a trip to the bathroom for your morning business, straightening out your hair somewhat. It'll work until you actually get ready. You head downstairs. 

The soundproofing must be brilliant because it is louder than hell's bells. You spot Blue and Papyrus rummaging around the kitchen, presumably for pots and pans. They seemed the type to want to cook breakfast regularly. Red is sitting on a counter, sipping from a coffee mug that would blend in with Hot Topic merchandise. The thought of red in that particular store put a slight pep in your step. Motherfucker would have a field day. Actually, a lot of these skeletons would most likely enjoy the store. Wait until someone tells them about Spencer's. 

Sans is seated at the table, looking groggy but a little less like death. Haha. Punprotunity. 

You sidle over to Sans, standing next to the table to observe the happenings. "Hey Sans, I would say you look a little dead on your feet, but you're sitting," you greet him. Talking to him was easy, not as in he was simpleminded, no you fuckin knew better. Sans was just easy to joke around with, Judge or not. Maybe you were biased, though. He was the one that saved you and took you in. 

"Heh, yeah," Sans says, then something catches his eye behind you, "look alive, kiddo." You don't have time to respond when suddenly, Blue and Papyrus are upon you. Not literally, but they are both very chatty for it being morning. Blegh. 

"GOOD MORNING, HUMAN FRIEND, HOPEFULLY SOON TO HAVE A BETTER NICKNAME! I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, AM MAKING BREAKFAST WITH BLUE," Creampuff greets. Blue chimes in, "BLUE THE MAGNIFICENT! GOOD MORNING, FRIEND! I HOPE YOU LIKED THE MARATHON LAST NIGHT! YOU FELL ASLEEP RATHER EARLY."

You definitely did not fall asleep by your definition of early. You had forgotten about the nickname thing. Looking around the room, you spot the jar. It has a few more slips in it, which surprises you. Hopefully, they weren't wack as fuck. Red probably put a shitpost in there, or something sexual. Both seemed likely. 

"Good morning, guys, and uh, everyone else," you scratch the back of your neck. Brain functioning is low in you this morning. If the two chipper skeletons in front of you picked up on your awkwardness, they sure don't let it perturb them. 

"Hey, does anyone know how I got upstairs last night? I would've remembered if I walked," you inquire. Blue's smile doesn't break at all. He just claps his gloved hand against his cheek casually, and it's adorable. "Classic! It Was Nice To See Him Volunteering For Physical Activity For Once."

"Physical activity?" you mutter in confusion, looking from Sans to Blue. Does blue magic count as physical activity? If not, what does that imply? 

"IT WAS A NICE CHANGE IN MY LAZYBONES BROTHER. HE CAME IN SHORTLY AFTER YOU FELL ASLEEP AND WHISKED YOU AWAY. I DIDN'T THINK HE HAD THE MUSCLE FOR IT NYEH HEH HEH!" Papyrus joyfully recounts to you. Muscle. Sans fucking carried you. Heat starts to bloom under your skin. You ignore the sensation and fake cough. Sans refuses to make eye-to-eyelight contact. You spot Red blatantly listening to your conversation.

"Thanks, Sans, 'ppreciate it," you thank him. Sans shrugs, focusing intently on his coffee mug. It has that potassium joke-pun on it. 

"Was only returning the favor, pal. Thanks for that, by the way. Woulda been a real pain in the neck otherwise," Sans says. His hand props his head up, and he's found it in him to look at your face again. You're idly reminded of a fanart from 'Your date with Sans.' It doesn't help your embarrassment. He was awake when you tucked him in last night. 

"Ah, Uhm, no prob, bob," you reply. Wow, very graceful, you think to yourself. Things are awkward now, at least for you. Sans looks like he's having a sansational time. The grin on his face seems more natural at the moment. You commit it to memory briefly before entering the kitchen. It's time for that chore chart review and breakfast. 

Papyrus is expertly flipping pancakes in a pan, and Blue is putting bread in the toaster. Red winks at you. 

"Heya, human," he rumbles at you, a little too friendly. You roll your eyes playfully and pad past him. 

"Hey yourself, skeleton," you greet back. Red's phalanges brush against your neck as you walk by. When you look back, his grin is sharklike. The fuck? 

Red doesn't offer any explanation other than taking a long sip of his drink. You're too hungry, and it's too early for this shit. The chore chart is posted on a corkboard on the wall of the kitchen. It's large like you expected, and it seems that the chores are planned very well. You idly wonder if half of these skeletons even bothered with them. Thinking back, you doubt it. Fortunately, with a crowd like this, chores could be delegated more evenly. How did laundry work? 

You make yourself a drink since you live here now and slide over to where Creampuff and Blue are. The drink is gone in no time at all. Thirsty bitches gotta quench.

"Do you guys need any help? Anything I can do?" you ask. Blue hums and exaggeratedly taps his chin, taking a hot second to 'ponder.'

"Ah, yes! You could set the table, please! At least someone knows how to assist," Blue directs the jab towards Red, who nods. 

"Assistin' ain't really my gig, 'less ya need somethin' ta tire ya out," he jabs back, eyelights snapping to you towards the end. Blue huffs indignantly and shakes a fist at Red. The edgier skeleton snorts. 

"LEAVE MY HUMAN FRIEND ALONE! GO DO WHATEVER YOU DO AND STOP BOTHERING THEM. THEY'RE ACTUALLY TRYING TO HELP! DONT THINK I DONT KNOW ABOUT THE LAUNDRY LAST WEEK," Blue scolds Red, still shaking his fist. It's hilarious. You remember Red mentioning the laundry when he first met you. You laugh at Blue calling Red out and move to set the table. Luckily, the plates and utensils are already set out on the counter. You grab them and approach the exit of the kitchen. 

"Ya just mad cuz I got the balls to flirt n all ya do is play friends. Nice guys finish last." He barbs Blue. It irritates you, but you want to de-escalate things. You huff and turn back to the two quarreling skeletons. 

Grinning, you look at Red, knowing good and damn well what you were about to say was probably false. "But Red, you don't have the balls to do anything beyond flirting. Literally." 

It doesn't exactly work how you want it to, but it suffices. Red blips out of existence and reappears in front of you. He's quite close, and you can see the texture of his hood in full. His bones weren't shiny. 

"Wanna bet? They say ta put yer money where yer mouth is, but I could settle with jus tha latter," he says, voice low and promising something obscene. phalanges from his left-hand press lightly on the left side of your neck, and his right thumb presses on your bottom lip. Yeah, fuck this shit. Red may be an attractive skeleton but you weren't about to take his bullshit. You can see Blue processing what he's seeing over Red's shoulder. Yeah, you could fight this one yourself, even if Blue trying to be a knight was cute. 

You bite down on Red's distal phalange and kick him square in the pelvis. He stumbles back from the force, and his distal drags against your teeth as he moves. It's not unbearable, but you do find it mildly irritating. Red ends up on the floor. Probably due to his experiences in his AU, he doesn't seem caught off guard. If anything, he looks fucking pleased. Red whistles and hooks a hand under his head, crossing his legs like he's just relaxing in a chair. 

"didn't know ya had it in ya sweetheart, color me impressed," he comments, before sticking the distal you bit into his mouth. Fuck, you should not find that as hot as you did. The edgy fucker knew it too, based on the sultry look he gives you before teleporting. You stare dumbly at the space he was previously occupying. 

"I feel like I'm going to have to toss out his nickname suggestions," you mumble to yourself. Blue is to your side in a minute. Creampuff, having now been solely focused on pancake making, joins him. 

"THAT SCOUNDREL! ARE YOU ALRIGHT? DO I NEED TO FIND HIM AND FIGHT FOR YOUR HONOR?" Blue asks seriously. You take one look at Creampuff's concerned expression and Blue's look of righteous fury. You break down in laughter. 

"Thanks, guys, but I'm cool. He just did that to protect his ego. Fucker didn't even have anything summoned, and he still fell," you jest. Blue still looks bothered but lets it go. You set the table, swiping up Sans' mug. he must have already left for work. 

Blue beckons you into the kitchen with a wave, "Breakfast Is Ready!" You begin to make a plate, chattering to the two skeletons about whether a spray bottle or rolled up newspaper might deter Red from making passes at you. 

It's nice to feel somewhat wanted, but you know it isn't anything serious. You don't want to entertain anything that could give you emotional grief. Sleeping with a skeleton, especially Red, would break you, even if it was pleasant. As cheesy as it was, you wanted something more than a casual or pity fuck. Red had a capacity for emotional depth, but he didn't know you well enough or even have a deeper interest in you to wield it. 

You'll be single until you get enough money to move out, most likely. The thought dampened your mood for more than one reason until you remembered that the skeletons had to keep an eye on you. At least you'd get some check-ins or something after you move out. Wanting to permanently affix yourself to this house was selfish. Maybe only three or so skeletons didn't seem to regret your existence enough to want you as a friend. Hopefully, you could still hang out with Blue and Creampuff, maybe even Sans, but you didn't want him to do it out of obligation. 

The only thing to do was to befriend the fuck out of these skeletons.


	8. Swanky New Phone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Naming things are not the reader's strong suit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the update gap! I'm still determined to work on this fic, but life likes to bust my kneecaps.
> 
> Poll about the reader's future job is still open! Options: Grillby's, Muffet's, or a grocery store.
> 
> My Writing Tumblr: Shatterflowerdemon

The next few days were...nice. You spend them with more company than you're used to. For the most part, the ones you dont interact with much avoid you, the mansion, or both.

Moss greets you by name, but you can tell the dearheart is busy. You had heard about how demanding the job could be. Axe didn't attempt to stab you again, thankfully. You felt like you had mutual respect or something. It could just be your imagination.   
Red was flirty but didn't push the envelope. Pet names, compliments, and a few innuendos.   
Blue, Papyrus, and Sans were definitely in your mental 'friend book.' Edge refused to look in your direction, and Stretch and you were at the acquaintance level. The good news is; you're sure Stretch doesn't want to actively shank you. What an improvement!

Sans hooks you up with a swanky new phone. After finding a spare charger in your bag, you turned on your phone. All your pictures, songs, contacts, etcetera, were still there. Naturally, you don't get service in an alternate universe. Your world's social media do not exist here, so it makes sense. There aren't any servers for them here. At least you get to transfer your information to the swanky new phone. That's what you're gonna call it. Yep. SNP. It's normal to name your phone, right?

You were practically vibrating with excitement the entire time. Social media! Thank fuck! Now you could shitpost again! 

"Sans, you have no idea how fucking cool this is," you inform him while checking out Swanky New Phone. They're a beauty. Everything looks streamlined, even if the edges are a bit thick. Sans explained something about the materials used for it, but you were too busy furiously downloading Undernet. You idly wondered how many new fandoms you were about to be dragged into. 

"oh, yeah. One more thing," Sans says, sliding over to your side. He looks over your shoulder, hand raising to press buttons on your phone. He opens an app called 'Box,' which makes more sense when a multidimensional box displays itself. Sans leans back from your phone, and something flutters in your ribcage when his skull brushes your face. Skeleton monsters are warm. You know that for a fact, at this point. With a firm click, your jaw shuts, having been gaping at SNP's fantastic storage options. Sans' skull is far enough from your face where you can see his expression. His grin is smug. Fuck, your face is blazing. 

"You okay? Lookin' a Lil hot under the collar," he teases while brushing imaginary dust off of your shoulder. Fucker. 

You give him the sternest look you can muster (it doesn't do shit) and close the Box app. "Fuckin hell, you and Red are going to kill me," you mutter. You pick back up on starting your Undernet account. It was similar enough to what you were used to in formatting. You make your username 'HumanFriend420' as a homage to your roommates. Plus, it had a funny number in it. Hilarious. 

"Red, huh?" Sans asks offhandedly. You shrug. 

"Yeah, his usual shit, I guess. I didn't expect less, really. I'll kick his ass if he goes too far, so it's fine. Can't take him seriously, honestly," you laugh it off, ignoring the mental images of what you deemed 'Bite The Skeleton, Edgy Mix.' Maybe you were as bad at naming things as Asgore, but just funnier. Sans hums noncomittally, and you extend your phone to him. 

"Forgot something, Classic," you tell him. He looks confused until his eyelights meet your screen. You've pulled up the 'add contact' screen. "If you use Undernet, feel free to uh, add me? Or is it follow? I Haven't really learned the app lingo yet, hah." Sans fills out his contact information and adds you on Undernet. You snort. 

"TromboneEnthusiast? Even I can admit that sounded a little...flat" you pun. Sans chuckles but doesn't respond with a pun. Odd, but the dude wasn't obligated. His contact name also has a pun in it. ClassyGuy. Pfft. 

Sans pulls out his own phone. He makes a noise that sounds close enough to a chuckle. 

"HumanFriend420? Shit, that's good," he compliments. You grin. 

"Yeah, can't say where I got it from. Definitely not from some rather dorky skeletons," You snark. I mean, it was cute when the guys said it, but you wouldn't mind a new nickname. It didn't even have to be universal!

Sans gives you an innocent look. "Dunno what you mean. I'm the nickname master. I had a pet rock once, named rock."

You laugh at that and don't even think about how you already knew that. "Very original name. 10/10." 

Your phone pings. What? You glance up at Sans, who holds his hands up innocently. No phone in hand. So who just-

'COOLSKELETON95 wants to add you.'

"Oh. That's papyrus, right?" you tilt the screen towards Sans. "Yep. Might wanna accept before he-"

"HUMAN FRIEND! I FOUND YOUR UNDERNET ACCOUNT! IT IS YOUR ACCOUNT, CORRECT?" 

Well, Sans did try to warn you. The enthusiasm was cute. Papyrus bursting into a room because he wants to be friends on social media? Quite adorable. This must be where he has that popular blog. The fact that he even wants to do such a thing doesn't surprise you, knowing him, but it does flatter you.

"I was just about to do it! I appreciate the hype, though. Gotta be the best friend's request I've ever had." The look on the tall skeleton's face is worth it. Fuck your burned down apartment. 

You accept the request. Papyrus' phone notably doesn't ping because he's rapidly moving to swipe the notification. Damn, he was fast. Were his gloves specially made to work on phones, or what? 

You smile down at your phone. Papyrus' page is delightful. The format is pleasant and thought out. There are pictures of social gatherings, food, and selfies. It screams 'Papyrus.' While you're scrolling, you see who can only be Undyne, commenting in all caps. It amuses you, but you have two friends in front of you right now. You slide Swanky New Phone into your pocket. Memes could wait, just this once. 

"Alright, friend o mine, what's cookin' in Papyrus land?" 

Papyrus hums, folding his arms and tapping his chin. the movement draws your eyes from his torso to his skull. you aren't entirely sure why, but papyrus' teeth look appealing? Is that the word? Maybe uh, nice-looking fit better? He must take care of them. It absolutely has nothing to do with how great he looks or how he seems to always cheer you up. Definitely not related to his endless optimism, warm nature, and concern for your wellbeing. Shit. 

You try to shove that thought process into the deep recesses of your mind. Later, you tell yourself, you can unpackage that. Not now. The thought of liking papyrus in a slightly non-platonic way doesn't make you feel weird. No, it seems natural to want to be close to him. What you need to unpackage is what that implies. 

Sans makes a comment about a date with his bed and promptly teleports. Dork. Papyrus starts a conversation about a game you had played with him and Stretch last night. You allow it to distract you.


	9. Steve Irwin Who?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wrassle That Animal!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Didn't like this chapter, but I don't know how to fix it (shrug)
> 
> I'll be posting some concept art for blue on my Tumblr soon!
> 
> (I totally haven't growled at a dog before to get it to fuck off, pffft)

The day is warm and pleasant. You can feel the sun's gentle rays on your back from your current position on the doorstep of your residence. It was starting to feel like a home now. 

Sans was working on getting you a job, which you were thankful for. It seemed like he was always there for you since you met. A job meant you could start pulling more of your weight. Eventually, you could get a car, and maybe by then, the skeletons will be fond of you enough to let you stay. It sounded selfish and like a pipe dream, but it was what was keeping you grounded. A pleasant lie, at worst. 

Today, you, Stretch, and Blue were going out. Blue had decided you needed to interact with your new world, even if it had striking similarities to the one you knew. Stretch agreed to go, citing that you seemed to be constantly occupied by either Blue, Creampuff, or Sans when he wasn’t working. It had made you realize that you had yet to hang out with any of the other skeletons. That needed to change.   
You knew, in your gut, that at least being cordial with all the skeletons was a good idea. Burying the hatchet with Axe or blackberry would be great, for several reasons. You were already fond of Moss, so you could at least be pleasant for his sake. Axe not being fond of you was to be expected. 

You didn't blame any of the skeletons personally since you already had an idea of what they were like before your apartment became toast. Some of the skeletons can and will piss you off, but that doesn’t mean you can’t try to establish some understanding between you and them. It was best for the group.   
During your time at the mansion, population: mostly skeletal you noticed that some of the skeletons didn’t visit often. You could understand why, but it would be rad if everyone got to know each other a little bit more. 

The nicknames for the horror bros still bothered you. How come the main house didn’t know what Moss had preferred as a name? Did no one ask? You didn’t want to think it was due to the others not caring, especially with dear hearts like Blue and Creampuff in the mix. A mystery, then.   
You’d have to catch Moss sometime when he’s off. A picnic would be cool. They probably didn’t know what to think of you, considering you're an outsider with knowledge of what had happened in their timeline and universe. That must be weird, meeting someone who knows your trauma before you know them. That’s skipping so many friendship levels required to get to the traumatic past.

You’re snapped out of your thoughts by Blue walking out of the mansion. “Oh, hey, Blue,” he grins and straightens his bandana absentmindedly. 

“Human friend, who needs a better nickname! Have you seen my lazy brot-“ Blue is cut off by Stretch teleporting in front of him and you both. You manage to only flinch, having become semi-used to the weird psychics bending skills of your roommates. You doubted the shock would completely leave, though. It set off your reflexes. 

“OH, PAPY! Took You Long Enough, Let’s Go!”

You step off the porch but awkwardly hang back. You don’t know where you’re going at all. Blue bounds down the steps with careful enthusiasm and watches where he’s stepping. Stretch’s walk is much more meandering like he’s walking down a sidewalk with no fucks at all. The three of you walk to a bright orange Jeep.   
Stretch swings his keys around a phalange as he walks, whistling something oddly close to Bonetrousle. Blue hefts himself into the front seat so he can navigate. You gratefully take the back since you have no idea how Stretch drives. 

Stretch drives with confidence. It’s almost startling to see the usually passive skeleton so focused on something. His body posture lets you know exactly how much he’s engaged in what he’s doing. The Jeep is well taken care of and drives smoothly. The ride is great, and you decide you wouldn’t mind taking the front seat if there was a next time. Knowing Blue, there would be one.   
The music inside the vehicle is turned low, but the tunes are still relaxing. It reminds you of something you’d play while drinking a martini on the beach at sunset. Safe to say; the ride is relaxing but not enough for it to put you to sleep. Blue reads out directions flawlessly. Their communication is smooth, and Stretch doesn’t require any further information than what Blue gives him. Granted, it’s just directions read off a routing app, but it goes to show their brotherly nature. The interaction is sweet, you think. 

Your destination is a park nestled by a body of water. From the parking space Stretch chose, you can see an area for ducks to swim, swings, a gazebo, and some picnic tables. The entire thing may not have been visible, but you were pleased by what you saw. Not much trash was in sight. 

Everyone exits and Stretch locks the doors. The intense focus seemed to have bled from the taller skeleton, his posture now slumped. You refrain from commenting on the 180 turn he had done.   
Blue captures your attention by rigorously listing the different aspects of the park. He’s taking it very seriously, even with such an adorably determined expression on his skull. Whatever your face is doing likely betrays your mushy feelings. Yeah, you had some feelings to sort out already; why not some more?

In true Strech fashion, said skeleton props himself against a tree to nap. He looks comfortable sitting in the grass, so you refrain from commenting. He waves at you two before sliding his hands in his hoodie. You give it five minutes before he falls asleep, the lucky bastard. At least he was chill with you and Blue hanging out. 

“So, What first, Blue?” 

He taps his gloved phalange against his chin but perks up. “Swings?” He asks, pointing. You nod and try to keep your cool when Blue slides his idle hand into yours. He tugs you along to the swings, albeit gently. With how short he is, you can tell Blue's able to pack a punch. Skeletal muscles mean business. 

“What about the tire swing? That way, we can face each other if we talk?”

Blue grins and leads you over to it. The tire swing is painted a cute yellow color with daises haphazardly painted on. Gloved skeletal hands are warm and not at all uncomfortable, got it. Blue's hands let go of yours so he can get on. You follow his lead, and then you’re both swinging. The rhythm is not smooth at first, but you work out a system. Kick, swing, kick, swing. Back and forth. After a few peaceful minutes of this, you get a little dizzy. 

“Hey, Blue, mind if I get off?” You ask. He gently stops the tire swing and holds it steady while you extract yourself.

“ARE YOU OKAY?” 

You move your hand in a so-so motion. “Just need a sec, got a bit dizzy.” Blue's hand slides into yours again. He’s definitely doing this intentionally, right?

“Sit Down, Please! I’ll go grab you something to drink!” Blue exclaims. He strides away before you can protest. You can’t help but gape. He’s walking fast and evading people, dogs, and everything else under the sun with stark determination. You can see how square his shoulders are. It gives you the impression of a marching soldier. That could be due to his royal guard training, you reason.

Blue rounds a tree, and he's out of your vision. You glance back at Stretch who's gained a squirrel friend. The squirrel is dangling precariously from a tree branch above him. You watch, almost in slow motion, as it falls right into Stretch's hoodie. The sensation must have jarred him since he leaps up from the ground. As if scripted, the squirrel scampers down the hoodie. You can see him panic, skeletal limbs flailing. An involuntary laugh erupts from you when Stretch falls over in his panic. Taking pity on him, you walk over to see if he's okay. Stretch's limbs are still jerking, and he's shoving his hands down the back of his hoodie. You can see the outline of the squirrel underneath the fabric. 

Stretch looks at you with embarrassment plain on his skull. You chuckle goodnaturedly and extend your hand to him. Dirt has settled on his shoes from his scrambling. Stretch accepts your help, resignation creeping into his visage. You lift him rather easily. Is he using blue magic to assist you, or are skeletons just that light? Bones = aerodynamic? When he stands, the squirrel skitters down to where his sternum is. Stretch tries to grab the squirrel from the outside of his hoodie. Something the animal does must be painful because Stretch jolts harshly. Feverishly, Stretch grabs the end of his hoodie and yanks. The squirrel tumbles out of the fabric and skitters away. Stretch groans, and you realize he'd gotten himself stuck. 

"Pft, stop squirreling around," you joke as you help him out of hoodie turned trap. Stretch has the decency to look bashfully at the ground. He's actually rather shy, huh? 

"Ahah, that must have made me look nutty," he grinds out. It sounds pained. Crippling embarrassment made him look a lot less threatening than marathon night. You smile and shrug at him, hoping to chill him out some. 

"Maybe a little, but considering your ribs became very acquainted with a squirrel, I'd say you did alright."

Stretch's eyelights glance behind you. The sight creeps you out, so you quickly turn to see what's behind you. You see Blue running towards the two of you. A kid is being practically dragged by a dog on a red leash. The dog is running after Sans who's desperately clutching three drinks to his chest. You'd laugh if they weren't coming straight to you and Stretch. Shit. is that dog trying to eat him?!

You look at Stretch who's making a very Creampuff like face. His eyelights are blown wide in shock, mouth agape. His brow bones are set high up his skull for the first time you can remember seeing. 

"SANS!" you yell. If he didn't stop running, he'd hit you or the tree! Mind made up, you yank Stretch. He jumps, bewildered look broken into something akin to shock. He's still light, and you practically shove him up the tree. He gets the gist and clings to a tree branch. With him taken care of, you lock eyes with Blue.

He only has one HP. The dog must be neutralized. 

Your mind jumps to the time you intimidated dogs out of your yard. They were wild, much worse than this dog seemed to be. This move was going to make you look weird as fuck but you knew it would do the trick. 

"BEHIND ME!" you yell, hoping he'd understand amidst his panic. Fuck he was really sweaty. Blue slides and nearly falls in his effort to not smack you or the tree. The kid holding the leash isn't doing much better with their dirty legs and panting breath. Stretch can't grab Blue without falling. You could hear Stretch's bones rattling. The dog is quickly approaching, maybe four seconds behind Blue. Your instincts scream 'danger' 

Okay, no fear, aggressive tone, and body language. This move has saved your ass before.

You drop into a half-crouch and give the big ass dog your nastiest growl. Blue is pressed against the tree behind you. You're effectively blocking the dog. If it bowls you over, then Blue could be fucked. The dog is large, but not large enough to reach your face unless it jumps. Your hands clench into fists and you swing your arms forward in front of your neck and chest. The dog rams into you. Instincts take control of your body, adrenaline thrums in your veins. 'THREAT', screams your psyche. 

Without thinking, you roll. You scramble for a moment, before finding purchase. Heaving from the exertion, you fight off the dog. It snaps at you, scraping your arm. The kid yanking its leash is in no position to handle the situation. You grit your teeth and shove the dog down while moving your center of gravity. 

The dog is beneath you, now, and you press some of your body weight into it's back to keep it down. It tries to snap at you, but you keep your hands far enough from the dog's mouth. Your knees squeeze it's lower body. The dog stays in place. Satisfied, you dare a glance up. Stretch's feet hit the ground, and Blue is walking slowly towards you. Breathing slowly gets easier and various parts of your body are starting to ache. 

"Is everyone okay?" you ask, bringing your eyes back down to the dog. It seems smaller than before. Your capture snarls and tries to buck up, but you growl at it and tighten your grip marginally. Cowed, the dog decides to keep its teeth to itself. You huff. 

"I AM FINE, ARE YOU OKAY? THAT WAS VERY RISKY, Y/N! I HAD IT PERFECTLY UNDER CONTROL." You can't stop the puff of exasperation. 

"Wasn't taking any chances" you said. No need to announce his low HP in public, much less in front of people you don't know. You catch the sight of sparkly sneakers. The kid crouches down, face a blubbering mess, and hands gripping a leash for dear life. You wince. 

"It's okay, kiddo. Do you have an adult you came with or someone you can call?" you ask them. Their age is hard to pin, but you doubt they're old enough to drive. They nod at you and call someone with shaking hands. In an effort to appease the dog, you stroke its back. Maybe not your smartest move, but it worked now that you had established dominance or whatever. Pinning the dog is a little uncomfortable, though. Could you risk tying it to the tree? 

"Hey, Stretch, do you mind tying the leash around a tree branch? This is really killing my kneecaps," you ask him. 

"Y-yeah, kid," he replies before doing as you asked. The leash seems tight enough on the branch. The kid has ended their phone call. 

"Back up," you instruct. The skeletons don't hesitate. Did they have a dog in their underground that wasn't in the royal guard? maybe this was their first interaction with one that didn't sit at a table. Satisfied with everyone's distance, you slowly let go of the dog. It doesn't attack you immediately, so you gradually edge back away from it. 

When you reach outside of the dog's range, you're thoroughly attacked. Instead of a dog on your chest, you have a skeleton. Blue is hugging you as if he almost watched you die, or something. What a caring soul, you muse. 

"PLEASE DON'T EVER DO THAT AGAIN," he begs. You can't help the warm smile on your face as you hug him back. He slots well into your body, and it plagues your mind. 

"I can't just sit back and watch you get mauled by a dog, Blue," you tell him truthfully. If Blue dusted in front of you when you could have done something, it'd destroy you. You didn't care how well he was trained, you refused to let him face something like that alone. His grip is strong, hands clutching at the back of your shirt. Absentmindedly, you rub the top of his spine in a mock back rub. His sniffle is what hurts the most. 

"Oh, Blue, it's okay, I'm sturdier than I look."

The short skeleton trembles when he leans back to look at you. 

"I'm In The Royal Guard, Now. I Should Have..." he starts to depreciate himself. Without thinking, you cover his mouth with your hand. 

"Nope! You were in danger, panicked, and I involved myself. You did absolutely nothing wrong, okay? none of this is your fault! Hell, you still managed to bring back those drinks safely," you add, pointing to the drinks (now held by stretch with, looking a little worse for wear.)

Blue nods and you lift your hand while ignoring how smooth his bone is. You step back and give your short skeleton friend a once over. he's sweat but otherwise untouched. You smooth a wrinkle out of his bandana before walking towards Stretch. 

"Can I get one of those, broski?" you ask. Stretch hands you water; his face pulled into an expression you'd call 'grateful post-panic.’. You sigh out a 'thank you' and chug that shit. Dog wrassling makes a bitch thirsty, it seems. 

Before you know it, the kid's parent shows up and profusely apologizes. The dog was a rescue and had been doing well until this incident. You reassured them both that these things happen. You know a dog having a bad day when you see one, you think. After reassuring them you were fine and they didn't owe you anything, they leave. You, Stretch, and Blue stand in silence for a moment. 

"What a doggone mess that was," you joke. It earns you a chuckle from Stretch, and snort laughter from Sans. Some things never change. You plop onto the ground gracelessly. Sans sits down criss-cross applesauce and Stretch mutters a ‘w-oof’ when he thumps beside you. Stretch passes a drink to you, which you pass to Sans.   
You're surprised by a pressure on your head. When you glance up, Stretch is rubbing your head. The irony of being pet like a dog does not escape you. He doesn't make eye contact with you, keeping his eye on the horizon. Sans sees the interaction and his smile might have gotten bigger. Pliable skulls, everyone. 

“Thanks for that,” Stretch says, “I’m terrified of surface dogs” You chuckle.

"Not used to ones that don't run a business?" you ask, pulling on your memory of their AU. Stretch's expression freezes before his expression relaxes. Did he forget where you came from?

"yeah." He puts his hand in his pocket. Your head feels lighter and a bit colder now. The three of you sit there in peaceful silence for a bit longer. Sans fiddles with his bandana before deciding he wants to see the ducks. You think it’s a swell idea and go with him. Stretch ‘stretches’ out on a bench to sleep, this time. You almost want to make a bet with Sans about how long it’ll take for a pigeon to land on him. 

After seeing the ducks, swinging some more, and grabbing a snack from the vending machine Sans visited earlier, you all head back to the house. Regardless of the dog-ccident, you’d consider the trip a success. You open the door to the mansion and enter. 

“HUMAN FRIEND, WELCOME BACK”

“Heya, kiddo.”

“Nice seein’ ya, sweetheart.”

You grin. “I wrestled a dog and won.”


	10. Chit Chat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let's Get Social!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope the format for messages is good! I promise we'll get interactions with different skeletons soon :)
> 
> Let me know if I missed any embarrassing errors haha. I don't have a beta, and Grammarly doesn't catch everything.
> 
> I drew Creampuff!
> 
> <https://shatterflowerdemon.tumblr.com/post/641115313975541760/drew-best-boy-from-chapter-10-of-anime-is-real>

"WHAT DOG?" asks Creampuff. He's wearing a flour-covered apron that hugs his torso in a distracting way. You decide that Red is a fantastic color for him. It's almost dashing. Okay, definitely dashing.

Red is lounging on the couch. You can see a sliver of his spine but avert your eyes. "Did ya win?" grunts Red. Oh, yeah, the dog. 

You grin and pat your bicep. "He wasn't ready for the roll combo," you boast. 

Red and Blue snort at the same time. It might have been a bit eerie if their voices weren't as different as they were. If they made an effort, they'd sound more alike, but their current way of speech is just fine. Stretch shuffles by, probably to pass out or do something else that requires little mental bandwidth. He waves to the others on his way.

Sans blips into existence next to the front door. You flinch from the surprise. "Hey, Classy guy," you greet him. His grin is easy, expression warmer than you expected.

"Hey yourself, Human Friend." You shove his shoulder lightly in jest. 

"Y/N WRESTLED A DOG AFTER IT CHASED ME! IT WAS REALLY COOL BUT ALSO REALLY DANGEROUS!" Blue chimes in from the kitchen table. He's sitting down and nursing a cup of tea. You don't ask where he got it from so quickly. Maybe his Box app?

"Damn, sounds ruff," puns Sans. Creampuff groans halfheartedly from the kitchen. You hear Red snicker.

"Nice," Red compliments the pun. You pick up on his lack of flirty remarks with gratitude. If you don't mention it, then he won't notice he isn't doing it. You just might do something rash while on your confidence high. 

"Y/N, WOULD YOU LIKE TO ASSIST ME WITH MEAL PREP? TONIGHT WE'RE HAVING SOME OF THE OTHERS OVER!" Creampuff calls out to you. Blue perks up, his free hand coming up to clasp his cheek rather quickly. You wince in sympathetic pain. 

"I FORGOT ABOUT THAT! WE NEED TO GET MORE EDIBLE GLITTER AND OTHER GROCERY ITEMS! IT WOULD BE RUDE TO NOT HAVE A PROPER MEAL FOR GUESTS, EVEN IF THEY LIVE IN OUR YARD!" Blue stresses. Sans glances from Blue to his brother and promptly teleports away. Undoubtedly, he's upstairs in bed. It must be nice. 

Creampuff grumbles, but it has no heat to it. Blue sighs a bit uncharacteristically and stands. 

"IT SEEMS THAT I MUST MAKE THE RUN, ILL RETURN WITH A PROPER BOUNTY WORTHY OF AN AMAZING MEAL, CREAMPUFF!" He declares with a confident fist bang on his torso. You don't miss his wince. In a flurry of a determined skeleton, Blue is out the door. You chime a goodbye to him just as he exits. 

Creampuff approaches you with fabric bunched in his hands. It's an apron, with 'CUTE CHEF' written on it in fabric marker. You smile at him and accept both the apron and his offer.

"What are we cookin', good lookin'?" you ask. Creampuff squawks. When you glance back in alarm, his face is flushed with magic. Unable to resist, you attempt to reach his skull with a flat hand. "Are you getting feverish? Can you guys get fevers?" 

"N-NO I AM FINE, THANK YOU! LET'S BEGIN THE MEAL PREP!" he announces with a precise heel turn. It makes his scarf flair attractively. What a cool dude. You laugh lightly and drop your teasing. Mealtime, baby!

Blue arrives back from town rather quickly, bags of various goods in tow. You let Blue take over your position and begin to clean as the other two cook. It's an efficient system, and you reach the end of your rope. There's nothing left to clean when all the dishes are in use or put away. 

"THANK YOU, Y/N! CREAMPUFF AND I HAVE THE REST HANDLED IF YOU WANT TO DO SOMETHING ELSE!" Blue offers. Since there really is nothing else you can do, you accept. The 'CUTE CHEF' apron is tossed in a laundry bin. What to do, what to do. You could nap, watch TV, chat with Red, or wander in the forest. Yeah, fuckin right. 

You plop down on the couch in the living room. A decent but unriveting show is playing. Red seems to be zoning out from his place further down. You snort when his skull lolls. He looks like he's about to conk out. When you glance back at him during a commercial break, he's a bit more alert. Satisfied that he isn't about to pass out, you pull out your phone. A new notification. 

'MAGNIFICENT_LAD' wants to add you on Undernet. You click the profile. It's Blue, of course. He probably found you in his suggestions or something. Naturally, you accept. You snicker at a meme on your feed. Red makes an inquisitive noise from beside you. 

"was funny?" he grumbles. The 'oh no, he's hot' meme blares in your head as his words process. If you didn't understand the allure of sleepy voice, you sure fuckin did now. His eyelights are a bit unfocused. You take mild pity on him and turn the screen his way. The meme must be right up his alley because the dude loses it. 

"hilarious, issat Undernet?" he prods. You don't hesitate in your answer. 

"Yeah, you want me to send the meme to you on it?" you ask because it's polite. Folks help folks when memes are concerned. Exchanging memes with Red sounds like an amazing time. 

"mhm, lemme see," he says. You ignore your animal brain's slight protest at the growing clarity of his voice. He takes your phone and taps a few buttons before handing it over. His hand slides over your fingers during it. It's oddly sensual. You let it go since you can't tell if it was intentional.

'MyChemicalBullshit' is his username. A laugh tugs from your throat in edgy delight. "Your username is fuckin perfect, dude," you comment. You silently send the meme to him and settle back in to watch TV. Red falls asleep quickly. You turn down the TV's volume and let him rest. 

A ping from your phone draws your attention. Someone has added you to a group chat. 

ClassyGuy: whoopeecushion.GIF

Unknown: SANS! STOP YOUR TOMFOOLERY! YOU ARE LEAVING A BAD IMPRESSION OF THIS GROUP CHAT!

ClassyGuy: no need to...blow up on me

The exchange amuses you, and you add Creampuff to your contacts. No one else has exchanges like that with Classic. It has that Papyrus flair to it that cannot be mistaken for any other.

CuteyPuff: GAH! I AM TERRIBLY SORRY, HUMAN FRIEND! EVEN IF YOU ENABLE MY BROTHERS BAD LINGUISTIC HABITS, YOU DO NOT DESERVE THIS TORTURE

You: Wow, you really made him blow hot air this time, broski

CuteyPuff: NOOOOOOO

You: Yes >:)

ClassyGuy: T-pose.png  
ClassyGuy: get wrecked, paps

CuteyPuff: HHHHHH WHY!!!!!

You: haha  
You: T-pose.GIF

CuteyPuff: UTTER BETRAYAL! I WILL NEVER RECOVER

The messages run dry at that point, and you feel up to a nap now. If you take Red's shoes off for him before you head upstairs, then that's no one's business but your own. Creampuff would have a cow if he saw them on the couch.


	11. Dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Good food and Good Company?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oho! We're moving along a bit later than expected, but I am not complaining (much). The plot starts soon, maybe.

A knock at your door wakes you. Oh, yeah, reservation for 'Soulless Human.' You huff from the extensive effort that's required for you to walk to the door. You open it and spot Red. He's still not wearing his shoes. You notice his socks have flames on them and can't decide if they look cool or dorky. Both work in this case.

"Dinner bell, sweetheart," he tells you. At least he didn't start with a hardwood pun. Damn, that was a good one. Too bad you didn't want to dare to share it with Red right now. He'd make it a whole event, and your brain cells were not warmed up. 

"Thanks, Red." He gives you a one-shoulder shrug and steps to the stairs. You follow him pensively. Was everyone downstairs? The thought didn't scare you, but you were apprehensive. It was a mixed bag of things. This means more skeletons to get to know, but also more skeletons that probably dislike you. Well, you could handle a bit of irritation. 

With this mindset in mind, you descend.

Downstairs feels crowded. You chop it up to more occupants than you're used to, and the eyelights you can feel staring at you. The fuck was everyone's problem? 

As soon as you had stepped into the room and said a lame 'Hi,' Blue's head whipped up. The shorter skeleton almost bowled over a disgruntled looking Chompers to reach you. "Shit, Blue! Didn't I just see you like, an hour ago?" You look at him incredulously, eyebrows hiked up. Chompers scowls at Blue, eyesockets narrowed. Well, what a fantastic start to dinner! 

'Please let this be a dinner without flames, bone-attack throwing, or thrashing.' 

"YES! IT WAS AN ETERNITY, COME ON, WE SHOULD GO SIT DOWN!" he chirps, hooking your arm with his. You sigh in amused exasperation and shoot Chompers a 'what can ya do' look. His expression loosens marginally, but he still whips around and walks away. Huh, odd. What a change compared to when you had first met him. The memory of his 'warm greeting' made something flutter in your chest. Shit. Maybe you should sort that out. 

Not right now. 

"WHY DON'T YOU SIT HERE NEXT TO ME, HUMAN FRIEND?" Blue pulls out a chair, presumably for you. Stretch sits on one side of it, and you presume the other is for Blue. If you sat down, you'd be flanked by the Underswap bros. 

"I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY YOU WANT THAT CREATURE AT THE TABLE," hisses another skeleton. With a glance, you confirm it's Blackberry. You roll your eyes so deeply they risk getting stuck in your skull. 

"If they let you sit at the table, then I definitely can," you snark at the prideful skeleton. Cruelty isn't your game but serving what someone sends you sure fucking is. You had a hunch Blackberry wasn't entirely a prick, but he was not helping his case. His being a Sans did not excuse his behavior. 

"ya can always sit here, babycakes," Red calls out. He gives you an overdramatic bat of his eye sockets and pats his femur dramatically. 

You snort, "you wish, Hot Topic mannequin." That earns you a few chuckles from the other various skeletons. Blue slides into a seat. Fuck it. You sit next to Blue and Stretch. Edge borderline struts in and sits down next to Red. The playful nature you had seen in Red bleeds away. 

You take a moment to observe everyone gathered at the table. Almost all of the seats are filled. Blackberry is scowling and conversing with his brother in a sharp but low tone. At least Mutt's in a chair. You half expected him to sit on the floor. Blue hums happily and starts to load up his plate. There's a large spread on the table with a lot of contrast. In retrospect, it made sense when you considered everyone's weird condiment choices. Their other meal choices were bound to be varied as well. You eye a red liquid in Blue's glass. Is that ketchup? The texture didn't look right for ketchup, though. 

"Hey, Blue, I don't know if this is rude to ask, but what are you drinking?" 

He seems nonplussed and cheerily replies, "TOMATO SMOOTHIE."

You blink, "huh, makes sense." A few others sit down, and then the meal is underway. Blue chatters to an excited Creampuff about some puzzle website you don't know shit about. You tune the two of them out to talk to Moss. He inquires about your stay while you load your plate and eat. 

"All things considered, it's been great. I gotta admit, I don't know a lot of you well, and I'm curious about getting to know everyone," you say between bites of your meal. It's tasty, regardless of some odd textures here and there. 

"I Am Glad, I Would Like To Get To Know You, Human," he enthusiastically replies. Moss is quickly climbing into your good books. What an earnest skeleton. 

"Cool! I have a phone and stuff now. If that helps. Turns out universe hopping cuts off your service. Who knew?"

"Could We Swap Numbers? I Do Not Have Any Social Medias", he asks, worrying a napkin between his distal phalanges. Shy Moss?

"That'd be rad! At this rate, I'll be able to make my own skeleton phonebook." Moss laughs softly, and you fall into companionable silence. Some of these skeletons were starting to grow on you like kudzu. 

Blue ends up regaling the dog-ccident to anyone at the table that will listen. You can't help but feel as if he's hyping you up. 

"It really wasn't that big of a spectacle."

"NONSENSE! NOT EVERYONE CAN TUMBLE WITH A FOUL BEAST IN THE HONOR OF ANOTHER!" Blue argues.

"It was a rescue, not a dragon, but I appreciate the vote of confidence, Blue."

Mutt mumbles something about 'dog wrestling' under his nonexistent breath. Whatever it was must have been slightly irritating based on the intense look Blackberry casts his way for it. 

"so, angel...You wanna get ta know us better, right?" Chomper asks you. His question makes you a tad suspicious. This is going somewhere, isn't it?

"yeah." 

"We should swap digits. I'd love ta chat with ya without always makin' a long trip," Chompers says. Was this him hitting on you again? Maybe he was just forward in general. He was clearly an Underfell variation. You eye him and his brother slowly. Overbite. Big teeth. Crack in skull and large eyelight. Your gaze slides back to Moss, who sits next to Chompers. 

"Oh, I'm a fucking idiot," you groan, smacking your forehead. Creampuff makes an affronted noise.

Chompers startles a little. "uh, ya don't have ta." You jerk your head up at him and lift your hands, palms facing him.

"No! I want your number. It's just that I finally figured out your AU, and I feel a bit dense for not having done so earlier."

One of Chompers' eyebrow bones lifts. Chief sends you a look you can't interpret. 

"To be fair, it wasn't blatant. I just had to put the pieces together. Damn, people in my universe sure did like their angst," you mutter. Horrorfell. Being a fell universe first probably made their physical changes less drastic than the Horrortale bros. Did Chompers' LV affect anything? Probably

"huh, how much do ya actually know about em? The alternate universes or whatever," Chompers asks.

"Depends? There were variations to you guys and different interpretations. The gist of it is that Blue and Stretch have Classics' and Creampuffs personalities but swapped. Red and Edge come from a kill or be killed underground where flowey is the pacifist in direct contrast with Classics underground. Mutt and Blackberry are the combinations of those two. You and Chief are from an AU where you were Red and Edge pre-surface, but then y'know, things diverged, and you went down an angle more akin to Moss' underground."

No one interrupted your ramble. You can't but help and avoid everyone's eyelights. "Sheesh, kid," says Sans. You shrug. 

"Yeah, I get how weird that sounds. In my defense, I had no idea you guys actually existed somewhere," you say and fiddle with your hands. "But, I can't make myself regret any of this, y'know? I'm in a position many would be envious of."

"Whaddya mean?" Red asks. His spine is straight, and his look is slightly intense. You sigh. 

"In various areas, you guys are pretty damn popular, all things considered. Everyone has a preference, of course, but Undertale meant and still does mean a lot to some people. Even the AUs," you explain. That felt a little raw. 

"huh, that's a bit weird," mutters Red. You take the bait. 

"Oh yeah, there's even people that someone like yourself, Red."

He grins. "Oh yeah? Bet you were one of my fans, dollface." 

You laugh, "yeah right," and ignore the question further. 

"WAIT, EVERYONE OF US HAS FANS OVER THERE?" Creampuff asks excitedly. You nod and smile at his antics. He and Blue start chattering, and you cannot keep up. A few of the skeletons seem a bit uncomfortable. 

"But eh, one way to look at it is like a friendship prep course or something. It's not like I know your exact lives or anything weird like that," you amend. Ah, that must have been reassuring. 

Sans shuts one of his eyes in a very slow wink. "Good enough for me."

Red sends you a searching look but makes no other comment. Edge is oddly quiet. Mutt observes the room with a keen eye, something telling you he's planning. Blackberry scribbles something on a napkin and throws it at you. Noticing it, you catch it. "uh?" 

"WELL, IF WE'RE EXCHANGING NUMBERS, THEN YOU MUST HAVE MINE. I EXPECT PROMPT RESPONSES. DO NOT FAIL ME AND PERHAPS I WILL MAKE YOUR TRAINING A BIT LIGHTER ONCE YOU'RE IN MY SERVICE," he asserts. You look from the napkin to him. 

"Sure, okay. Why not. To everything but the service." the words feel like gum in your throat. What? You stare dumbly at Blackberry a moment longer before crudely stuffing the napkin in your pocket. A problem for later you. Blackberry huffs and rolls his eyes but says nothing else. 

Dinner is a relatively quiet affair for the rest of the evening. Relatively, when you consider the volume control of some of the skeletons. 

Once Edge and Blackberry start wrestling, dinner is unofficially over. During the momentary chaos of many lifeforms moving at once, you end up doing dishes next to Chompers. He doesn't say much besides 'dishes hard work,' and you get the feeling that his mind is somewhere else. 

When the last dish is put on the drying rack, he extends his phone to you silently. You notice the 'create a new contact' screen and glance up to make sure. He grins, so you add yourself as 'Human.' 

He taps a few buttons before putting his phone in his pocket. "Hope ya don't mind that I changed the contact name. Angel suits ya much better," he informs you. You laugh a bit and allow him to make his own contact on your phone. 

'Boyfriend material' stares back at you. Nah. You delete it and type in 'Cheeky bastard.' 

"Cheeky bastard suits you far better." Chompers huffs a small laugh and cups your cheek for a moment.

"real cute of ya... Glad ta see we're already onto pet names... now I just have to actually get you to go on a date with me," he says a little too seriously for you to handle. You laugh a bit and step back, face flaming. Why were so many of these skeletons so charming?! This was surely going to bite you in the ass. 

"Nice joke, Chompers, I'm gonna uh, go feed Toffee," you hastily reply and escape, speed walking. Your bed-room door shuts behind you with a sense of finality. Shit. These skeletons were going to end you. With all of these buzzing feelings in your chest, you aren't sure what you're going to do. At least you could depend on Red and those Red adjacent to be somewhat consistent yet flirty fuckers. Now, if only you could sort your feelings out. 

Chompers eyes the spot where you stood for a beat. His eyelights flick up to the stairs, and an almost predatory grin slices his skull. 

"Ain't jokin'."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chompers: date me  
> Reader: lol nice one   
> Chompers: But-  
> Reader: (leaves)  
> Chompers: But I'm deadass :(


	12. Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Texting and plan-making.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops! It's a short chapter. I didn't know how to write the next plot point without making this chapter very long. So, everything will have to wait. Expect a longer chapter next time.

Skeletons plague your mind, even with a wall or two between you and them. Without the hustle and bustle to distract you, your mind was wandering into serious territory. 

You may be a dumbass, but you aren't stupid. Chompers, for whatever reason, was flirty, just like Red. How the fuck did you unpackage that? Red made mainly sexual innuendos and references, but he never forced you to do something. If anything, he seemed like the type to make others uncomfortable for funsies. Chompers, however, you couldn't pin down. Sure, he'd been flirty since day one, but his charm last night caught you off guard. The thought of him being even semi-serious twisted something in your gut.

You needed to get your ego and emotions into check. Even if Chompers wanted something less than platonic, you couldn't entertain it, could you? With your budding feelings for Papyrus, it would hardly be fair. Not to mention whatever was happening with Blue. He is a good friend, and you're almost positive he's just that friendly, but your heart didn't know jack shit. This situation is going to get complicated quickly if you don't keep control. 

In an attempt to wrangle your warring emotions, you feed Toffee and put Blackberry into your contacts. Maybe this would help him let down his peacock act? You set him as 'Purple guy.' Even with your emotional constipation, the sounds of energetic and very alive skeletons downstairs calms you. It was nice being able to live with other life forms that could communicate fluently. Toffee was a delight, but there was something about conversation that made your shoulders hunch a little less. 

You slip into some sleep appropriate clothes and decide to lounge. If you were feeling up to it, you'd go downstairs later. For now, the peace was enough. You scroll around Undernet for a few minutes when a text comes in. 

ClassyGuy: got a job interview if you want it

You: Holy shit, please??

ClassyGuy: cool, I can drop you off tomorrow

You: Words cannot express how appreciative I am. wow. 

ClassyGuy: eh forgetabout it  
ClassyGuy: no skin off my nose

You: lol okay  
You: but srsly, thanks dude

ClassyGuy: np pal. be ready bout 8

You: YouGotItBoss.gif

And that's that. Job (hopefully) acquired. Now, you can buy shit! You start a new text thread.

You: Hey, it's Y/N

Purple guy: I presume you've added me into your contacts.  
Purple guy: Not that I expected any differently  
Purple guy: he appreciates i  
Purple guy: DISREGARD THAT LAST MESSAGE

You snort. Mutt had obviously hijacked his brother's phone. 

You: Mutt's welcome to have my number if he wants it  
You: and yes, I did add you into my contacts

He doesn't respond right away, but the bumps and strangled noises coming downstairs explains enough. It seems like Mutt is trying to dislodge the spoon up his brother's metaphorical ass. 

Unknown: hey

You: hey  
You: this is mutt right?

Unknown: ThumbsUpEmoji  
Unknown: thanks for that earlier

You: earlier? 

Unknown: Dinner. and texting him. It means a bunch to him

You: I gotta say I'm a little surprised. Not much tho

Uknown: he means well. promise. 

You: I'll take your word for it

That's that. You add Mutt as 'Dawg.' It sounded a little lame, maybe, but you felt like having only his contact be his 'name' would be a disservice. You had to maintain the trend! He doesn't respond but you're distracted by Red sending you an ancient meme. You berated him for his life choices in a friendly manner. He sends you a gif of a middle finger in return. A notification interrupts your scrolling. 

Purple guy: Are you busy tomorrow?

You: I have an interview in the morning. why?

Purple guy: I happen to have spare time and would be not so terribly upset if you accompanied me on an activity

Pfft. Dork.

You: You want to hang tomorrow?

Purple guy: Yes  
Purple guy: I will message you details if you accept

You: sure, I can text you when I'm free?

Purple guy: Satisfactory 

Wow. Looks like you were doing something with the person 'friendship for dummies 101' was made for. Was it bad that you were kind of looking forward to it?

Dawg: see you tomorrow

You don't respond. Mutt was coming too? It didn't surprise you. The two brothers seemed to orbit around each other a bit. When you consider the things you knew of their AU, it made sense. Time, and tomorrow, would give you a better read into their dynamic. You would (hopefully) get a better look at Blackberry under all of his Blackberry-ness. 

You feel a bit lethargic and decide to call it a night. In lieu of walking downstairs, you press your door open and say goodnight to everyone. Their varied responses rise to the second level, and it fixes a smile onto your face. Toffee curls onto the bed with you as you prepare to sleep.

How was tomorrow going to go? The question echoes around your head before you finally drift asleep.


	13. mmm shit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You go to an interview and make tea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're getting into some more stuff pretty soon! 
> 
> Big hugs and kudos to everyone that comments and consistently reads my stuff, I DO notice, and I appreciate it a metric fuckton.

Sans isn't the one to wake you. Instead, it's Papyrus. You do not manage to conceal your affections for the tall skeleton when he offers a hug with a soft and borderline bashful expression on his face. You laugh and waste no time grasping what you could reach of the skeleton. He huffs and lifts you, so you can properly hug him around his torso. Your smile is wide when he sets you down.

"wow, gotta be the best wakeup call I've ever had," you say. Creampuff beams at you and lifts a cute little bagged lunch. It's cute because of the flowers doodled around 'The Human.' Damn, you needed to check that nickname jar. 

"FOR YOU! SANS SAID YOU HAD AN INTERVIEW WITH MR. GRILLBY. MAYBE WORKING THERE WILL DETER YOU FROM EATING HIS GREASY FOODS. I HAVE HEARD IT IS NOT GOOD FOR YOUR INSIDES!" Aw. You couldn't even be weirded out by the internal organ talk. He was concerned for you and supportive, and you feel a whole lot more prepared now.

"thank you so much. This is really cute! I pinky promise I'll enjoy it a whole bunch, Masterchef papyrus." the look that earns you feels like a precious gem. You file it away for viewing later. Cutie. his cheekbones are a bit flushed, and he's rubbing his hands together bashfully. "You okay?"

"I-I UHM," he pauses and swoops his gaze up to you before it drops to his boots. His gloved hands wring together. Now you're concerned. 

"Puff?"

"ACTUALLY, I'D PREFER IF I TALK TO YOU ABOUT THIS THING WE'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT RIGHT NOW, LATER," he finally says. You nod. 

"Okay. Whatever you're comfortable with. I have plans later, but I don't have a specific time. I'll text or call you if that changes?" the last part is phrased more like a question than you'd like. Creampuff takes it like a champ, pressing the nonexistent wrinkles from his gloves. That smile is back on his face, but it isn't at full blast. Something really must be worrying him. You were a bit dumbfounded. He seemed so confident, usually, so what was making him all shy? Papyrus tells you something about the animal shelter, and he's gone. 

"Weird," you say to no one but yourself. You spend the next thirty minutes getting ready, talking yourself down, up, and eating part of the 'lunch' papyrus had made you. Naturally, it was good brunch food. All somewhat healthy. What a sweetheart, taking care of you, whether you noticed it or not. 

Sans pops into existence, teleporting a few feet away from you. he looks a bit more rested than you're used to seeing him. An improvement in your book. Even his shirt seems less wrinkled. Neat. 

"ready to go?" he asks, offering you his hand. You smile and put your hand in his, maintaining your distance. he chuckles, like a parent would to a child who borrowed their clothes to play dress up. "that ain't gonna cut it for your first shortcut. the uh, recoil is pretty bad for firsties." then, he pulls you by your hand until you're in each other personal space. Sans, even in his short stature and easy-going nature, has something you almost dared to call predatory in his eyelights. "hang on tight."

Then you're gone. Until you're not. It felt like you blacked out, someone dusted your atoms off like a trophy, and then you came conscious again. Sans' deep chuckle bounced around your head. His arms tugged you back, so you stood at your full height. "weird, right?" he prods. You know how doe-eyed you must look right now. The sensations were weird, hard to define, but then they passed. 

"I....shit," you mutter, looking over your body for anything out of place. You find nothing. 

"heh, it'll wear off. Text me when you're done, kay?" his hand comes up to flick your shoulder. "lightweight." you snort and flick him back. Sans grins and walks away, a hand lifted in goodbye. 

You blink, and he's gone. You square your shoulders and turn around. Grillby's. You suck in a breath and enter. 

The interview goes well, you think. Grillby leads you to a back room to do the interview. He hands you a several page long-form on a clipboard, and awkward silence aside, you're hopeful. One of the questions was 'can you touch water?' and you find it a tad funny. Grillby doesn't touch the stuff. Fortunately (or not, depending on how you view it,) Grillby takes the clipboard and tells you he'll message you. 

You text Sans and wait for him at the bar. he teleports outside, you assume, and walks in. "heya, Grillbz," he greets the bar tinder. You give him a finger wave when he slides into the seat next to you. "all done, pal?" he asks. 

"Yeah." 

He bumps your elbow with his, maybe in a display of encouragement, and promptly orders a to-go bottle of ketchup. It's a scant few seconds before he receives a regular ketchup bottle, and then you're following him outside. Sans leads you to an alley not too far from the main road. "I think you got that one in the bag," he says. 

You look at him questioningly. "Really?"

"yep," he says before extending his hand as he did earlier. You don't hesitate. he holds your hand a little limply and curls his arm around your back. 

"I know, I'm starting to wonder if you get a kick out of this," you mutter. Sans chuckles. 

"definitely"

Then you teleport, again. In a blip of time, you managed to travel all the way back to the house. Sans gives you a thumbs up and teleports away. You put the rest of your bagged meal on the table and sit down. You decide to text Creampuff. 

You: Hey, I'm back at the house. Did you want to talk?

CuteyPuff: HOW DID IT GO?  
CuteyPuff: WAIT, DON'T TELL ME RIGHT NOW!! I WANT TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR SUCCESS IN PERSON!  
CuteyPuff: I'M ON MY WAY BACK HOME! THE CATCCIDENT HAS BEEN HANDLED

Oh, so there was an incident at the shelter? That must have been what he said earlier in the morning that you didn't quite catch. He seemed to be in better spirits or at least trying to seem that way. 

You: lol okay, be safe

CuteyPuff: I PLAN ON IT

Pfft. You bide your time by munching on the rest of your bunch and opening up your messages with Blackberry. 

You: I should be free for whatever here shortly

The house is pretty silent. It was a weekday, so maybe most of the skeletons were at work? You decide to bide your time by making tea. You eye the nickname jar while you wait. Maybe you were seeing things, but the jar seemed to have gotten a new slip put in. You shrug a bit to yourself. Should you make Creampuff a lunch as a thank you? He seemed like the type to be very organized with his meals, so maybe you should ask him when he gets back. 

You're playing on your phone, waiting for the kettle, when the front door opens. You don't bother looking up. It was obviously Edge based on the strangled curses and muttering about socks you could hear. The pointed sound of his very nice boots confirmed this fact. Alt fashion looks good on him. You start to tune him out and focus on your mobile game. Edge approaches the kitchen, and you keep your eyes on your prize- winning the game. 

"Hey, Edge." 

"HUMAN," he greets. It sounded strange. As if he was seething. You glance up and almost drop your phone. Silently, Edge had walked up to you and was certainly in your personal space. Not close enough to brush against each other, but too close for comfort. 

"uh, Edge?" you ask tentatively. You wanted to risk a glance down to see if he had managed to walk silently in because he'd taken his platforms off. You don't do it because the way his eyes were boring into yours made the action seem cowardly. Like looking away would be resignation. 

"I DON'T GET YOU," he relents, squinting at you like you ran off with his bride and college fund, "YOU KNOW THE THINGS SOME OF US HAVE DONE, AND YET YOU ACT ALL CHUMMY. WHAT IS YOUR END GAME? ARE YOU PLAYING AROUND?" 

Angry. That's what his words make you feel, but thinking of Creampuff on his way over tampers it. Now the anger is manageable. You poke his chest, much like you did Blackberry at the family meeting. 

"Listen, pal. I don't give a single fuck about anything any of you have done that doesn't affect me. My endgame is getting a job, coming home, hanging out here and there, and snuggling the absolute shit out of my cat. You consider that playing? Then sure, this is the arcade." You cross your arms and lift your chin defiantly. 

"IT MUST BE IGNORANCE, THEN. OR INSANITY. ANY HUMAN WITH COMMON SENSE WOULD RUN AT THE FIRST SIGHT OF THOSE HORRORSHOWS," he jabs, sneering at you. 

"oh buddy," you smile wide and mockingly, "you don't know me at all. Because if you did, then you'd know there are about two or three things keeping me back from verbally thrashing your metaphorical ass right now. And one of them is on his way. Their appearances and past is none of my fucking business, but no, you're the type to feed off that shit, right? I know they ate humans and I don't fucking care." 

You huff at the end of your pseudo speech, and angrily make your way to the stove. Your hands shake from the adrenaline and you start to make your tea. He makes an affronted noise akin to a dying seal, but you start speaking before he gets the chance. 

"y'know what else, Edge? I don't give a shit about anyone's past in this house. It's your actions that matter and yours have asshole vibes right now," you tell him. Maybe not the smartest thing to do, but you didn't give a fuck. Red could come knocking down your door for the way you're talking to his brother all he wanted. Zero tolerance for shit-talking your friends. Without another word, you take your cup and march up the stairs. Edge's scream is strangled and you make sure to lock the door. Not because you think he'd bum rush it, but you weren't looking for his company. He could enter when he stopped being a dick. You check Swanky New Phone. 

CuteyPuff: EDGE IS SCREAMING INTO A PILLOW  
CuteyPuff: I...DONT KNOW IF HE'S OKAY, BUT HE'S CAPABLE AND IN ONE PIECE!

You read the final text before you hear a soft knock at your door. At least Edge's muffled screaming didn't reach your room. 

"Can I Come In?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wonder what Creampuff wants to talk about...
> 
> My Tumblr.


	14. Doors aren't cheap

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stretch threatens to delete Mutt's Xbox account

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one took a bit, but I have a better idea of what direction I want to go in. Don't forget, I have other fics that update more often! Thank you for your patience <3

"Come on in," you say to Creampuff. He opens the door and peeks his skull in. You wave him forward, "what's up?" 

He leaves the door open, and you assume Edge has stopped screaming and fucked off. Probably to shine his boots or punch something. You don't care what he does as long as he leaves you alone long enough to talk to Puff. Whatever he was anxious about was more important than fussing out a prick. You wondered how long it'd take for him to tell Red. Would he pull a Sans move and defend him? You didn't pursue the thought further, averting your full attention to Creampuff. He enters the room fully, and gingerly sits down next to you when prompted by a hand pat on the mattress. You note the bubbly skeleton seems to be more subdued than usual.

"HUMAN, I KNOW YOU HAVE UNDOUBTLY SECURED A JOB WITH YOUR UNCANNILY RESILIENT NATURE. IF YOU AREN'T TOO BUSY, I WOULD LIKE IT GREATLY IF YOU WOULD AGREE TO GO ON A DATE WITH ME!"

Oh. Oh wow, uh, okay. 

Your brain started to get way too ahead of itself. Your entire body seemed to squeeze at Creampuff's words. This crush on him is seriously starting to impair your dialogue functions. What do you even say? I mean, it was very likely to be like what you saw in-game. Not that you minded! It'd be cool to hang out with him regardless of the circumstances. Maybe you'd even see the cool outfit! There's no way this is anything but platonic. 

He'd have specified, right?

Oh, it seems like you took too long to ponder. Creampuff is patiently waiting for your answer. "Sure! I have plans later today, but when are you free?" He jumps up in excitement, hugging you and speaking a mile a minute.

"I HAVE EVERYTHING PLANNED, ALMOST! NATURALLY, I WILL BE USING THE DATING MANUAL. EXPECT FURTHER INSTRUCTIONS LATER. EXCUSE ME I MUST READY MY COOL OUTFIT!" Puff chatters before swiftly making his exit. You laugh behind him. At least it wasn't the window. Hopefully, he asks about your redeemable skills. You can make mean spaghetti. At least you'll get to see the cool outfit. 

Purple guy: I am on my way home. Would you prefer an outside or inside activity?

You: I'm good with either. Kinda depends on the activity

Purple guy: How do you feel about art and wine?

You: I could go for either

Purple guy: Very well. Wear something comfortable. 

You: Will do ThumbsUpEmoji

Blackberry being artsy and classy at the same time didn't shock you. This fit him well in a strange way. You wondered if this was like one of those drink and craft events you saw white suburban ladies go to on TV. Following his advice (instructions,) you put on a comfy outfit. It's not like you have anything nice to wear right now anyways, with your old home burned to a crisp. If you get that job with Grillby, you'll be sure to secure better options. With the body wash you've been borrowing, you smell like whatever Bone Shine is. Calcium, maybe?

You can hear very excited noises coming from Creampuff's room when you walk past it. You decided that you'd not set yourself up for failure. Creampuff would only ever view you as a friend. He was probably into Mettaton, anyways, but you didn't feel like comparing yourself to anyone. It isn't worth the mental anguish. Feeling a bit more fortified by this decision, you plop yourself onto the couch. Knowing Blackberry (wow, long name. Maybe the nickname needs a nickname?) he'll be as punctual as possible. 

You snicker when you notice Stretch passed out on a stained beanbag. He starts snoring loudly, but it doesn't drown out the mindless TV program you watch. You're reminded of the nickname jar. Maybe you should wait for it to fill up further. 

After about ten minutes of The Golden Girls, you get a text. Damn, and you were just getting the part after Rose's triple bypass too. 

Dawg: on our way

You: see ya when you get here

The prospect of hanging out with the two brothers excites you. It's been a bit of time since you've done anything out in public. Besides, you felt like you needed to understand the skeletons better. Mutt had already given you a nudge in the right direction. He was just trying to look out for his brother in his own meddling way. At least their dynamic was funny. Mutt is quiet in a way that makes you wonder what's on his mind. It's like watching a clock. Silent in a room full of noise, with many working parts you can't immediately see. You idly wonder how far the similarities between Mutt and his respective swap and fell counterparts go. Maybe adjacent would be a better term. 

Stretch wakes up with a jolt when the front door slams into the wall with a bang. It's loud, and you wonder if the drywall is okay. 

"HUMAN!" calls out a slightly disheveled-looking Blackberry. His bandana is a little crooked, and you can see exertion in his body language. His artificial breathing is coming out in a slight pant with one hand braced on a knee while the other is still extended towards the wonky door. Fuck, that's gonna need fixing. Mutt comes up behind his brother. You look at him for a shred of sanity. He holds up two fingers in greeting. Slightly stumped, you hold a hand up in greeting. 

Stretch groans and gets up to inspect the door. You wince. The door should not be positioned like that at all. When you stand up for a better look, you spot one of the hinges on the floor. Mutt looks from his brother to Stretch and shrugs. His expression reads, 'what can ya do?' 

"Rus, I swear to fuck if I have to fix another door because of your brother, I will delete your Xbox account."

Wait, Rus?

Mutt smirks in a smug bastard sort of way and waves Stretch off. 

"ya wouldn't." 

Stretch huffs and starts typing on his phone. "You tempt me." A dial tone can be heard from his phone and his free hand fumbles around his pockets. You look at Mutt and Blackberry. 

"I didn't know you go by Rus."

Mutt shrugs and worries one of his timbs into the floor. Blackberry straightens his bandana. "It's what everyone called me underground."

Stretch paces away from you three and talks to someone over the phone. You hear him mention door hinges before he opens and exits through the backdoor. 

"Is that why you let me call you that? Do you prefer it?" Mutt shrugs, and it reminds you of Stretch. For a moment, the resemblance is even more uncanny. 

"M used to it, darlin'" Well damn, these skeletons like pet names. 

"IT IS FITTING," Blackberry adds. He looks from you and Mutt before walking away. "I WILL FETCH WHAT WE NEED FOR OUR OUTING." His heeled shoes are loud on the stairs. You're still conflicted about the nickname. 

"But do you like it?" you ask, and fuck now you're realizing how tall Mutt is. You crane your neck back to look at him. You notice he's wearing a black and gold collar. 

"I like it better when it's you and my bro." You're confused but accept it. He'd tell you if he didn't like it, you think. 

"Hey, so, you told me something back during introductions. About calling Blackberry something else?"

Mutt chuckles, and it reminds you that it has a rasp to it. "You remember that?" You nod, and he laughs so suddenly it surprises you. He jerks his head away, and his jacket hood hides his face from you. You don't expect him to pat you on the head, but he does. "Ask 'm bro about it."

You're about to retort when Blackberry clambers back downstairs. He clutches a picnic basket and canvas boards. You wonder where he got the basket. "WE'RE NOW PREPARED. LET'S DEPART."

Mutt steps to the side. You let Blackberry go first since you don't know what vehicle is his. Mutt moves after you do and leans the door against the frame in a mockery of it being shut. He snickers and knocks on it before following his brother and you. You climb into the backseat of what looks like a nice car. It smells pleasant inside, and you can tell it's been well taken care of. Grocery bags sit next to you. Blackberry is in the driver's seat. 

"Where are we going?" you ask. Blackberry grins at you through the mirror. His teeth are sharp, and you can see his thinly veiled enthusiasm. Mutt must be onto something about his brother not being what you initially thought. You'll have to dedicate yourself to befriend him. 

"THE PARK."


End file.
